Lorelai: [phone rings] Michel, the phone.
Michel: Mm-hmm. It rings.
Lorelai: Can you answer it?
Michel: No. People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them.
Lorelai: You know who's really nice to talk to? The people at the unemployment agency.
Michel: [answers phone] Independence Inn, Michel speaking. No, I'm sorry, we're completely booked.

Rory: [on the phone] I am not returning the blue sweater again, so don't think about asking.
Lorelai: But I want it, I need it.
Rory: I've already returned the Capri pants twice. I've tried to return a couple of your other items that were all sales final, which makes me look retail simple. And this is not the first, but the second time I will have returned the blue sweater.
Lorelai: Ooh, the Capri pants. Have you taken those back yet?
Rory: I can't show my face in any stores in New Haven. They think I'm Paper Mooning them.
Lorelai: Oh, she was very cute in Paper Moon. You're very cute, too.
Rory: Calling me cute is not going to persuade me. And I have classes. A life.

Lorelai: Kirk, what are you doing here?
Kirk: Staff meeting.
Lorelai: You don't work here.
Kirk: I thought I might like to go into hotel management someday, and I figured this was a good place to learn.
Lorelai: Oh, Kirk, you can't just crash a staff meeting.
Kirk: [writes] Outsiders cannot crash staff meetings. I'm learning so much.

Lorelai: Hi, excuse me. My daughter's here. She was in a car accident. Her name is Rory Gilmore.
Nurse: Okay, just take a seat.
Lorelai: I don't want to take a seat.
Nurse: It'll be one minute.
Lorelai: Hey, do remember that scene in Terms of Endearment where Shirley MacLaine's in the hospital and freaks out because they won't give her daughter a shot? She got that from me and she toned it down a little. So once again, I'm looking for my daughter, Rory Gilmore.
Nurse: First door on your left.
Lorelai: Thank you.

Lorelai: I think you should do it now before you lose your nerve.
Sookie: Well, he isn't back to his office yet.
Lorelai: Does he have a cell phone?
Sookie: Yes.
Lorelai: You know, people buy cell phones for exactly this reason. So you can get a hold of them any time you want.
Sookie: I thought people bought cell phones in case their cars broke down at night and they had to call someone for help and there's psycho killers...

Lorelai: Are you crazy? You can't watch Willy Wonka without massive amounts of junk food. It's not right. I won't allow it. We're going in. [Rory stands still] Rory, it's fine.
Rory: It's too weird.
Lorelai: I'm gonna have to meet him eventually.
Rory: Okay, how about next year?
Lorelai: I'm going to be so cool in there, you will mistake me for Shaft.
Rory: There will be no interrogation.
Lorelai: I swear.
Rory: No kissing noises. No stories from my childhood. No referring to Chicago as ChiTown. No James Dean jokes. No father-with-a-shotgun stares. No Nancy Walker impressions.
Lorelai: Oh, come on.

Maid: Hello.
Lorelai: Hi, we should be on the guest list. Halston and Liza are expecting us.