Paris: What's with the gooney look?
Rory: Huh?
Paris: Your face. It's right out of a Harlequin romance.
Rory: He's just been so great. I mean, he's really been there for me for the past couple days. I had to practically send him away from the hospital yesterday.
Paris: I know. It's amazing. I never thought you guys were gonna last.
Rory: What?
Paris: I'm just being honest. Logan Huntzberger? Between the women and the drinking, that kid was on the Colin Farrell freeway about to pull over into the Robert Downey Jr. rest stop.

Michel: Let's discuss the programs.
Lorelai: The programs.
Sookie: You want programs?
Michel: Do you think when the Princess of Wales was interred at Althorp the Spencer family was asked whether or not they wanted programs?
Lorelai: Probably not.

Rory: [on the phone] So, talk to me. How are you feeling?
Lorelai: Oh, good, good. Fine. Medium. You know, rare... medium rare. Rare. More like sashimi.

Sookie: I'm really sorry, Michel.
Michel: You didn't even like him.
Sookie: Sure, I did. That little guy!
Michel: You called him a walking flea circus.
Lorelai: Chin Chin was a wonderful dog, Michel.
Michel: Thank you.
Sookie: Yeah, yeah. Remember at the Labor Day picnic, I dropped my sandwich, and I was like, "Oh, great, now I've got to clean this all up." And Chin Chin just came in and scooped it up, and saved me that trip.
Michel: That was Paw-Paw.
Sookie: What? No!
Michel: I was standing right there. That was Paw-Paw who ate your sandwich. Chin Chin didn't even like barbecue.
Sookie: Oh, well, still...
Michel: Still what?! Are your two stinky little children interchangeable?

Paris: And Richard?
Rory: Oh, he's really good. They're gonna keep him for another night, then he should be able to go home.
Paris: And it was a myocardial infarction?
Rory: Yeah, a heart attack.
Paris: Is he going on beta blockers?
Rory: I don't know.
Paris: If he can tolerate them, he should. They reduce the risk of death following a heart attack by about 25%. Of course, he'll have to implement a few lifestyle changes, but you just tell him if Bill Clinton can give up cheese fries and pork grits, he can get by without his 5:00 martini.
Rory: I will pass that along.
Paris: Good. Anyway, I'm glad he's okay.

Paris: So, I downloaded your reading lists, and I went to the bookstore and hid copies of your books so you wouldn't get stuck buying used ones with some idiot's comments in the margins. And here, I made you a copy of the notes from our "History of Feminism" seminar since you missed the first class.
Rory: Oh, thanks, Paris. What's with the blacked-out section?
Paris: Well, I'm happy to share the things the teacher said to the general public, but I'm not about to share my insights into the material.
Rory: Hmm.
Paris: Don't give me that look. If there's one thing I learned in that first lecture it's there's not room for many women at the top.
Rory: Gloria Steinem would be so proud.
Paris: Whatever. The facts speak for themselves. Nadine Strossen is the head of the ACLU, not Nadine Strossen and her very best friend.

Rory: I will get you my resume by tomorrow.
Paris: Fine. By "resume" you mean "resumes," right?
Rory: How many do we need?
Paris: I have 21 versions, each one tailored to a particular job in a particular field: grad school, law school, med school, fellowships, jobs on newspapers, jobs on the business side of newspapers, jobs working for multimedia conglomerations, jobs working for quote-unquote "the little guy," jobs in the public sector, i.e. internships in Washington, for which there are three different versions based on whether or not I'm applying to work for a democrat, a republican, or a Joe Lieberman.

Michel: Actually, as long as we're here, I think I'm gonna stop into Luke's.
Lorelai: Really? Why?
Michel: Do you remember last year when that troupe of mimes took over the inn? It was a very stressful time for me, guessing at what they wanted, watching to see what they were pointing at so I knew what to fetch them. When they finally left, I needed a bit of comfort, so I stopped at Luke's and I bought a hamburger.
Lorelai: You didn't.
Michel: I know. It was a moment of insanity. Thank god by the time I got home, I had already calculated that it would take me 55 minutes of medium-intensity interval training on my elliptical machine to work it off. Thought better of the whole thing and dumped the foul thing in the trash.
Lorelai: Well, close call.
Michel: Yeah, extremely. Unfortunately, Chin Chin, being the little rascal that he was, fished it out of the garbage. After all the exotic dog food I lavished on him - homemade biscuits, fresh-ground lamb... It was this burger that he seemed to enjoy the most. And today, I will eat one in his memory.

Michel: If your child died, would you serve crudites?
Sookie: Hey, can my children not be your go-to?!

Kirk: Flower delivery.
Lorelai: Kirk? Oh, I didn't know you worked for Grayson's.
Kirk: Oh, no, I don't work there. I'm volunteering.
Lorelai: How noble.
Kirk: Yeah, I just thought it was time to give something back. Here's your bill. It's a little high because we had to do a little airbrushing. Small blemish on the nose. Probably wasn't visible to the naked eye, but when we blew the picture up... Wow.
Lorelai: Sounds great. I got stuff to take care of. Bring the rest of the flowers in?
Kirk: Sure thing. [clears throat] I don't want to embarrass you, but it is customary to tip the deliveryman.
Lorelai: I thought you were volunteering.
Kirk: Not for you.
Lorelai: Ask Rob at the front desk. He's got the petty cash.