Rachel: Well, now that everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Phoebe: Aw. What?
Rachel: No. No, Emma dropped her sock.
Monica: Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town.
Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground.
Phoebe: It's a good toast.
Rachel: Look, will you please get her attention?
Ross: Oh. Mommy? Mother. [mouths] Sock.
Phoebe: Oh, for God's sake. Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!

Waiter: So, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly?
Phoebe: Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah. Their, um- Their arrival is in the offing.
Waiter: Right, we do have a table for two available. Perhaps you'd be more-
Joey: No, they're coming. We'll wait right here.
Phoebe: Oh, Joseph. One needn't worry. They shan't be long.
Waiter: It's just that we do have some large parties waiting.
Phoebe: Oh, one really does have a stick up one's ass, doesn't one?

Waiter: How was everything, sir?
Joey: Excellent. The shrew, in particular, was exquisite.
Waiter: Well, I hope you've got some room left.
Waiters: [singing] Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday, dear-
Joey: Joey. Joey.
Waiters: Joey. Happy birthday to you.
Joey: This is the best birthday ever!

Maitre 'D: I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning.
Joey: No, just me. All alone. Dinner for six for one. Well, you boys are about to see something really special.

Chandler: I messed up. It was a meeting. Everybody was smoking.
Monica: So what? Don't you have any willpower?
Chandler: Willpower? I've watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs without taking the tinfoil off.
Monica: You said that was sexy!

Judy Geller: I understand. Separation is hard. One time, I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor. And he got so upset he took off all his clothes, tucked his willy between his legs and cried out, ''Mommy, I'm a girl. Take me with you.''
Ross: Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you.

Phoebe: Oh, great. So we can all go now. That is fun. Hey, you know what? We all haven't been together, the six of us, in such a long time.
Monica: What are you talking about? We're all together right now.
Rachel: Uh, Mon. Chandler's not here.
Monica: Oh, dear God.

Ross: Besides, you know, everything's gonna be fine. The baby's sleeping.
Rachel: What if she jumps out of the bassinet?
Ross: Can't hold her head up, but yeah jumped.
Rachel: Oh, my God. I left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?
Rachel: Wait. Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996.

Rachel: Is the window open? Because if the window's open, a bird could fly in there and-
Ross: Oh, my God. You know what, I think you're right. Listen.
Rachel: What? What?
Ross: A pigeon. No. Wait. An eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumped across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrued this as an act of aggression and grabbed the baby in its talons. Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.

Waiter: It's been an hour. The maitre 'd has asked if you'd be willing to reconsider switching to a smaller table.
Joey: Maybe we should just eat now.
Waiter: You can't order until the entire party has arrived. Restaurant policy.
Joey: Well, how about this? Another table leaves, right, but there's still some food left on their plates. Okay, what's the restaurant's policy about people eating that?
Waiter: It's frowned upon.
Joey: But it happens?