Gil: Careful, gents. Really, the way you two are always carrying on, people are going to start talking. [adopting a phony smile] Hello, all. Gil Chesterton here, with a toast to Roz Doyle.
Frasier: Hear, hear.
Gil: A wonderful co-worker, and a good friend.
All: Hear, hear.
Gil: Of course, I too noticed Roz's sex appeal immediately. She had the same effect on all of us stallions in the KACL corral. She made us want to paw the ground and rise up on our powerful haunches, fetlocks glistening. Smokey, Misty, Storm! Away!
Kenny: Okay, bar's closed.

Roz: Okay, Noel, that was good, but you need to tell Frasier the name of the caller, the town they're calling form, and why they're calling.
Noel: Okay. You know, maybe I would learn more if you sat down behind me and guided my hands, like they did in Ghost.

Frasier: Oh. Mrs. Moon, we'd like to get two double lattes to go, please.
Gertrude: For an extra dollar, I can add a nip of brandy.
Frasier: Is that on the menu?
Gertrude: [pulling a flask out of her apron] It's on the secret menu.

Gertrude: Your phone's ringing.
Roz: Oh, it's not mine, it's Frasier's. [looking at the phone] Ew! It's Julia.
Gertrude: Who's that?
Roz: This witch who's trying to get her hooks into Frasier. [shouting towards the phone] I hate her.
Gertrude: I'll fix her.
Roz: Wait, wait. What are you doing?
Gertrude: [waving Roz off, answering the phone in a refined, sultry voice] Hello. [pause] Oh, I'm sorry, Frasier's in no position to talk, if you, uh, get my meaning. Who's this, then? Hold on. [holding the phone out] Sweetheart? Do you want to talk to a Julia? [giggling] Oh, Frasier, put me down! [normal voice] Sorry, he's not here after all. Bye, now. [hangs up] There. Problem solved.
Roz: You know, you probably ruined their entire evening. [mimicking Gertrude's refined accent] How can I thank you?

Julia: Excuse me. Can I get some service over here?
Gertrude: Keep your knickers on. [to Daphne & Niles] Don't move. We're not done hashing this through. [Gertrude walks behind the counter to serve Julia]
Gertrude: [singsong, in her refined accent from earlier:] Hello.
Julia: [suspiciously] Hello.
Gertrude: [singsong] Hello!
Julia: Say that again.
Gertrude: [singsong] Hello?
Julia: Now say, "Frasier's in no position to talk, if you get my meaning."
Gertrude: Now, that was all Roz's idea. I had no choice. I'm not a well woman.

Daphne: Hey, Mum, when you've finished your shift, we'll drive you home.
Gertrude: Really? Are you sure it wouldn't give you more pleasure to see me walk home on my bloody stumps?
Daphne: Well, it would, but we're in a hurry.

Frasier: Kenny, this is not amateur hour. My show is already suffering enough just losing Roz. I will not let you replace her with a complete novice.
Kenny: Come on, don't you remember when you were a young whippersnapper with nothing but a pantload of talent and a headful of dreams?
Frasier: Are we still talking about Noel?
Noel: Five seconds to launch, Dr. Crane.

Frasier: In the meantime, we have with us today Noel Shempsky, a KACL employee whose sole qualification for this job seems to be that he has never taken a sick day.
Noel: Good afternoon, listeners, near and stars away. Our first query comes from a Class M planet we call Earth, and appears to be personal in nature. Oh, and his name is Glen.
Frasier: Go ahead, Glen, I'm listening.

Noel: Oh, hi, Julia.
Roz: Do you mind? I'm trying to show Noel what I do.
Julia: Is that why he's on his knees?

Roz: Get up. Let me give you some pointers on call screening. Your first priority are your leapers and jumpers. Next up, angry people. They're great energy and a welcome change from our largest group, the sad sacks. The trick of it is, you want to arrange these calls so that each segment is "can't miss" radio.
Noel: But I thought it was just about Frasier doing good work.
Roz: Please, it's all about ratings. If the station had its way, every call would end in an auto-erotic suicide.
Frasier: Thank you, Roz. Now that Seattle knows how we do things around here, perhaps you could let Noel know to keep his elbow off the mic button.