Debra: You know, I thought we were saving to buy a bigger house so we could move away from... this neighborhood.

Marie: We're just checking these.
Sales Clerk: I can assure you they're all exactly like the display model.
Marie: See, here's one where the pamphlet's a little folded.
Frank: What are you doing? That's not a believable complaint.
Marie: It's perfectly valid.
Frank: Can't you ever just be quiet?
Marie: Don't you tell me to be quiet! I have a mind of my own, you know? I can contribute. I'm not just some trophy wife!
Frank: You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?

Ray: We're just helping.
Debra: Yeah, I mean you seem to have so much to do. We just wanted to pitch in.
Ray: Why, is this annoying to you?
Debra: Is it bothering you?
Ray: Are we intrusive?
Debra: Because we don't mean to be. We're just trying to help you the way you help us.
Marie: Oh, I see what they're doing. Are you trying to repay us for everything we do for you?
Ray: Well...
Marie: But you see, dear, when we help you, we're actually helping.
Debra: ... What?
Marie: Don't worry. No, no, I'm not mad. I can't be mad at you if you don't know what you're doing.

Amy: Have you been raiding our little fridge this morning?
Robert: And you see, that's all part of it the alcohol, the candles, the oil. You mix all that together and you know what you get? A baby.
Amy: I guess the girls get a different slide show than the boys.
Robert: Listen. Listen to me, Amy. Mom is only doing this for one reason. She's trying to seduce us. You like these boxers, huh, do you? Well, you know what, she bought them because they match your eyes and won't squeeze my peas.

Robert: Does someone want to explain to me what is happening now?
Ray: Yeah, you might have a problem.
Robert: A problem? Um-hmm. I bought this house fair and square for $26,000, Raymond.
Ray: Okay, all right. But where are they gonna go? Where are they gonna go? How about your house?
Ray: I don't think so.
Robert: Oh, I do think so.
Debra: All right, all right. All right. Robert, you have every right to be upset. But I will get a stepladder and fight you to the death over this.

Charlotte Sterling: It was really nice meeting you.
Ray: All right. Okay. I'll get out of your way. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you didn't get to see Debra at her best. It's hard for her to be at her best all the time 'cause she's got so much to put up with. You know, there's me. I'm a much bigger problem than I look. And I don't know if she told you this, but my parents live across the street. Yeah, that's right. You know that guy that was bothering you on the phone? Imagine two of them coming over every day for the rest of your life. And she's already, she's juggling the kids and the school and the gymnastics. All right. Well, anyway, I'm sorry. You know what? You can refile that.
Charlotte Sterling: Gosh, I had no idea. How many kids do you have?
Ray: Seven.

Debra: Uh, Ray, why don't you help us set the table?
Ray: Oh, uh, can't you guys do it? I'm a little tired.
Debra: Yeah. He was up all night with your mother.
Ray: We were just doing a puzzle.
Debra: Mm-hmm. And talking till 2:00 in the morning. And not just small talk. Very meaningful, hmm? Him and Pat.
Robert: You had a meaningful conversation with her?
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: Just not enough mothers in the world for you, are there, Raymond, huh?