Drew: Wow. I've never had coq au vin before.
Mrs. Banks: You two have such great manners.
Mr. Banks: Your mother must be very proud.
Tonya: Well, she said if we didn't act right, she'd slap the caviar out of us.
Mrs. Banks: Oh. Bearnaise, anyone?

Rochelle: Ah, dinner for six, that sounds nice.
Tonya: But there's only five of us.
Drew: Yeah. Maybe we can bring somebody.
Rochelle: Wait a minute now. This sounds like a nice place. We can't just bring anybody.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We thought about bringing Vanessa.
[fantasy:]
Vanessa: I dated a French guy once. I can't stand French food. I mean, hors d'oeuvres. Who wants a piece of liver on a toothpick? You got any chimichangas?

Adult Chris: [v.o.] We thought about Jerome.
[fantasy:]
Jerome: Uh... Excuse me, garcon. Can we get some more silverware?
Waitress: I just put some out.
Jerome: [chuckling] I don't know what happened to it.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] We even thought about Mr. Omar.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: Oh, my God! He's choking! Help him!
Mr. Omar: Hold on! There's nothing we can do.
Woman: But he's still choking. [the man collapses]
Mr. Omar: Not anymore. Tragic.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, I had started acting like a bad boy for Tasha, but ended up being a jerk to everybody.
Waitress: Can I take your order?
Chris: Bus' it. We get some French fries?
Waitress: We don't have French fries.
Chris: Y'all call yourself a French restaurant. All right, what y'all got?
Waitress: Uh, have you had a chance to look at the menu?
Chris: Nah. Y'all got some fish?
Waitress: We have several types.
Chris: All right, well, fry some of that up for me, get us some drinks, some salad with French dressing some of them escargots, some French onion soup, some French toast, and for dessert, some French vanilla ice cream.
Waitress: Anything else?
Chris: Y'all got French mustard?
Waitress: I'll check.
Chris: Check on then. [lights another match] [to Tasha] You want one?

Chris: Hey, Ma.
Rochelle: Hey, sweetie.
Chris: Found somebody to go to dinner with us.
Rochelle: Oh, that's okay, baby. I decided to take Michael.
Chris: Uncle Michael's coming?
Michael: Yeah, man. I heard French food real good! "Excellente!" That's French. I've been studying, 'cause I'm ready to go. Ooh, la, la. I can't wait.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I can't wait for you to choke on that spaghetti.

Julius: What's all this?
Rochelle: Well, I just thought that since we're going to a nice restaurant, we need to brush up on our manners. I don't want y'all in there embarrassing me.
Julius: For a free meal, I don't care if y'all showed up butt-naked with socks on.
Drew: If we were butt-naked, we wouldn't have socks on, would we?
Tonya: We're not even there yet, and I'm already embarrassed.

Julius: I've got good news.
Rochelle: You finally kicked the gout?
Julius: No.
Tonya: Chris isn't your real son?
Julius: No.
Drew: Lionel Richie is back with The Commodores?
Julius: No.
Chris: Did you trade Tonya to the devil for cable?
Julius: No.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was still hoping to make some progress with Tasha, but Greg was convinced all hope was lost.
Greg: Dude, once a friend, always a friend. It's the Westermarck effect.
Chris: West what?
Greg: Edward Westermarck. He was a scientist. He concluded that when two people live together in close proximity during the early years of life, they will never become boyfriend and girlfriend.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That means I still have a chance with Shakira.

Julius: Hey, baby, what you doing?
Rochelle: Julius, I'm gonna need a few extra dollars this week.
Julius: For what?
Rochelle: Well, we can't go to a nice restaurant looking like "Who let you in?" I'm gonna need a new dress. The boys need haircuts. And I need a new pair of shoes. So does Tonya. I saw these fake eyelashes... There's this really nice shawl that goes with the dress. Pantyhose.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Only my mother could make a free dinner expensive.