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‘The Jimmy Jab Games’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Jimmy Jab Games

203. The Jimmy Jab Games

Aired October 12, 2014

When a foreign president's motorcade is delayed and the Captain and Terry leave for a meeting, Jake launches the "Jimmy Jab Games". Meanwhile, Captain Holt and Terry must argue for funding of a new drug task force from Holt's nemesis, Deputy Chief Madeline Wuntch.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Are you blackmailing me? I don't have any money, Hitchcock. I'm still paying my uncle's funeral bills. I rear-ended the hearse. It was a mess.

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Quote from Jake

Jake: Ugh, motorcade duty is so boring. I honestly would rather sit around and listen to you talk about the right way to make paella.
Charles: There's more than one right way to make paella. There are ten right ways. You've got Valencian, modern Valencian.
Jake: Wait, stop. I've made a terrible mistake.

Quote from Amy

Jake: Rosa has this dumb rule about not mixing work with personal stuff.
Amy: That's actually not a bad policy. I once gave my aunt a jaywalking ticket and things really deteriorated between us.

Quote from Gina

Sergeant Jeffords: Apparently he's on an important call with the Albanian president.
Amy: Is that Bujar Nishani or is it still Bamir Topi?
Gina: Oh, Aims, let me check. Mmm, it just says no one likes you.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Captain Holt: This is war, Sarge, the War on Wuntch.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh good, you've named it.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: More importantly, Wuntch got served. Oh my god, Wuntch sounds like lunch. Oh, this opens up so many new avenues.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: We're here are about a new and very potent for ecstasy that has surfaced in our precinct; street name, giggle pig.
Deputy Chief Wuntch: Hmm, an embarrassing blight growing right under your nose. Not unlike that moustache you had when we first met.
Captain Holt: That moustache was era-appropriate.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I don't have feelings for Amy any more. So, time for me to get out there and spread my -
Charles: legs.
Jake: - wings. Get out there and spread my legs?!

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You think that semi-colon was a mistake? No, it was a juicy piece of bait, and she unhinged her jaw and swallowed it whole.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Do you want to hear the funniest thing ever? I also split an infinitive and she didn't notice.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Three hours with no Holt or Terry. Do you know what this means?
Charles: Makeovers?
Jake: No, Charles.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I don't want to sound dramatic, but today has been sub-optimal. That doesn't leave this office.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, if you ask me, you're acting like a real Victor Emmanuel III.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: So we're just supposed to wait until it turns into an epidemic. You're like the League of Nations in '36: just hoping the Abyssinian crisis to resolves itself.
Deputy Chief Wuntch: That's the lesson you draw from the fall of Addis Ababa? Raymond, you sound so naive.
Captain Holt: And you sound just like Victor Emmanuel III.


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