TV Quotes

Captain Holt: Look, I know this is an inconvenience; however, I expect you all to be accommodating to our guests.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't worry, sir, we will be cordial A.F. "As Frasier." Love that show.

Charles: Massage! I'll give you a massage.
Gina: Charles, going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified. Interesting approach.

Rosa: She also likes to look up recipes online and go, "Who's got the time?"

Amy: Fraud dog! Fraud dog! Fraud dog!
Rosa: Juice Ellen! Juice Ellen!
Amy: Fraud dog!

Gina: "Orange Jake", going once, going twice.
Rosa: I'll show you a picture of me in high school. There is side-pony.
Gina: Rosa coming in hot! Rosa coming in hot!

Captain Holt: All right, everyone, enough morning chitchat. Television happened, commutes were difficult, Boyle had a dream.

Charles: So, I guess we all had great partners that we've completely moved on from.
Jake: Because yours died of old age?
Charles: He did.

Gina: Captain, why are you doing this? You hate people in your space.
Captain Holt: Nonsense. I'm an easygoing chap.
Gina: Okay. I once saw you use a ruler to measure another ruler.
Captain Holt: It was off by half a centimeter. It never should've been in circulation.

Captain Holt: Now, if you'll excuse me.
Gina: Oh, he just sat at your desk.
Captain Holt: Good. Good. I was hoping he would.
Gina: He's adjusting your chair settings.
Captain Holt: Even the lumbar?
Gina: Exclusively the lumbar.
Captain Holt: So my spine'll hurt a little. It's only a highway holding all your body's nerves.

Charles: Look, I'm so sorry, but I don't think there's room for a third person on this case. Jake, we should work it solo.
Jake: Whoa, hang on there, Boyle. Let's not be hasty. I mean, Stevie's been tracking Ozerov longer than we have. And three heads are better than two.
Charles: Three's a crowd. Everybody knows that.
Jake: What about in "The Lion King," huh? When Jamone and Purboy became friends with Steemba.
Charles: That's not the names. It's Simba, Timon, and Pumbaa, but I appreciate you trying. It really is a perfect analogy.

Jake: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we listen to some sweet stakeout jams?
Charles: Ooh, do you have the satellite radio station "Sedan Rock"?
Stevie: Seriously? Why not just go straight for the Toni Braxton while you're at it?
Charles: Oh, now you're gonna make fun of Toni? Who is this joker?

Amy: Oh, can you at least put her on a leash?
Brian: She's a medical professional. Okay? Would you keep a doctor on a leash?
Amy: That dog does not help you with your foot pain. You just want an excuse to bring her everywhere! Your dog is a fraud. Fraud dog!

Sergeant Jeffords: I know it's crowded in there and they're not very considerate guests and they took my mouse and then they took my keyboard and then they took the whole computer. And when I had nothing else to give, they came for my yogurt. No, not just any yogurt. Full fat Greek with a touch of honey. That's a once a week treat!

Jake: Look, I know that we didn't find any drugs, but I still think it was worth the risk.
Charles: Well, I think it was a crap circus. This whole operation is blown. If you ask me, the Beatsie Boys should be called the Thoroughly Messed-Up Millies.
Jake: What?
Stevie: I can't even imagine what you're going for.
Charles: I was being devastating!

Sergeant Jeffords: Rosa, you got any ideas?
Rosa: Hitchcock and Scully just set fire to the kitchen sink.
Scully: Oh, boy.
Hitchcock: Ooh, boy.
Sergeant Jeffords: Perfect! Let's use that.

Jake: You know, I wish I was like Charles. He's a good cop and an honest person, and when we go on stakeouts, we do listen to Toni Braxton and it's super sad and it's awesome.

Gina: Captain. You know what's kinda weird? There was no one was fighting over by the radiator. You were the only person standing near it.
Captain Holt: I suppose, in the hubbub, I may have tripped and busted a pipe.
Gina: I knew it! I knew you couldn't stand having someone in your space.
Captain Holt: He used my letter opener to cut his tuna sandwich in half! You were right. They were disrespectful and had to go. And, yes, sometimes you have to come up with a creative solution.

Jake: You know, you've been acting weird about Stevie all day. I think you might be jealous.
Charles: Of course I'm jealous. I was never hiding that.
Jake: How?
Charles: He's tall. He's funny. He can pull off an earring.
Jake: He doesn't have an earring.
Charles: But we both know he'd look good with one.