Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Tactical Village’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Tactical Village

119. Tactical Village

Aired March 4, 2014

The squad takes part in a mandatory training day, competing with other regional precincts. On the training day, Amy runs into Teddy, a fellow officer she used to date. Meanwhile, Holt becomes addicted to a game on his phone and Rosa is snubbed by Charles.

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Captain Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

Rate

Quote from Gina

Gina: Have you seen Captain Holt? Tall, handsome gentleman dressed like an airline pilot.

Quote from Rosa

Sergeant Jeffords: Talk to him, that's what friends do.
Rosa: Nope. I'm gonna wait 'til I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's your plan for dealing with this?
Rosa: That's my plan for dealing with everything. I have seventy-seven arguments I'm going to win that way.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I do not have a problem. If I want to play Kwazy Cupcakes, I will play Kwazy Cupcakes. Kwazy is a difficult word to say in anger, but I think I've made my feelings clear.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Right, that's the guy you said the lame stuff about. Like he's a good listener.
Amy: Sorry, what do you look for in a guy?
Rosa: I don't know, real stuff. Like the shape of his ass.

Quote from Jake

Jake: When it comes to shooting patterns, I like to go PB&J. Penis, Brain, Jaw.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Do you know I love milk?
Gina: Uh, no.
Captain Holt: Well I do, but it hurts my stomach. So I haven't had milk, a beverage I love, for 19 years. Nineteen milkless years I've gone, but for some reason I can't quit Kwazy Cupcakes.

Quote from Gina

Gina: "Kwazy" with a W, a backwards W.

Quote from Gina

Gina: It's so addictive, right? I play so much that when I close my eyes at night, I just see cupcakes instead of my normal dizzying array of flashing lights.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I have a sexy voice!
Champagne.
Mountain range.
Hugs.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I'm gonna make a great dad.
Amy: Not even going to touch that.
Jake: The Amy Santiago story.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I will stop at nothing to get that trophy. I will shoot you all in the face if I have to.
Go team!

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Scully, I want you to do nothing. Just stand next to me and say, "Yes, Sarge."
Scully: Okay, Sarge.
Sergeant Jeffords: Come on, man.

Quote from Gina

Charles: These, Madam, are STDs.
Jake: What are you talking about, buddy?
Charles: STDs. Save the Dates. For Vivian and my wedding.
Jake: Ah, yes. Hey, just out of curiosity. How many people have you given STDs to?
Charles: Lots. Like a hundred. [all but Charles laugh] Oh, I get it. STD has another meaning. You're gross. No one else is gonna think that.
Amy: Everyone else is gonna think that. But it's sweet that your mind didn't go there.
Charles: Thank you. It is kinda sweet.
Amy: Will your first dance be to You Give Me Fever?
Sergeant Jeffords: Will you be serving crabs at the reception?
Gina: Do you have herpes?

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: You know when you play along with the robot jokes, it kinda ruins my enjoyment of them?
Captain Holt: Yes, I know.

Next Page 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode