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‘Lights Out’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Lights Out

713. Lights Out

Aired April 23, 2020

The entire squad is on high alert when a massive blackout hits Brooklyn.

Quote from Charles

Charles: I can't see anything.
Jake: Me neither. We'll just have to rely on our other senses.
Charles: I call smell.
Jake: Okay, really jumped on that one. I wasn't gonna fight you for smell. I figured we'd just listen for sounds.
Charles: Pfft, good luck with that. [sniffs] Hmm. [sniffs] Yeah. [sniffs] Mm-hmm.
Jake: Okay.
Charles: How's it going over there? You hearing anything?
Jake: Yeah, I'm hearing you and your creepy sniffs.
Charles: Really? Well I'm smelling a lot of jealousy coming from your direction.
Jake: Sound to the left.
Charles: Smell to the left. [crashing sound]
Jake: NYPD, hands up.
Charles: [sniffs] Oh, yeah. We got him!
Jake: Charles.

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Quote from Hitchcock

Scully: Guys, stop wasting time. Headlamps on!
Hitchcock: We have to engage in blackout protocol.
Jake: I'm surprised, those guys are really springing into action. Nope, they're just eating all the food in the fridge before it goes bad.
Hitchcock: There's a dozen sandwiches here, I don't know what kind.
Scully: I'll figure it out later. Just start chewing.
Jake: Yeah, they suck.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: [over radio] Peralta, you there?
Jake: Yeah, what's up?
Rosa: You gotta get back here right now. Amy's water broke.
Jake: What?
Charles: What?
Jake: When?
Charles: When?
Jake: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Charles: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Rosa: I can't believe you're making me say this, but she thinks she lost her mucus plug yesterday, but mistook it for normal discharge.
Jake: How thick was it? Was it clear or milky?
Charles: Was it bloody? Was it "the bloody show?"
Rosa: Jake, I think it's very cool that you've learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you know you crossed a line. Just get back here, now!

Quote from Charles

Charles: So, have you guys decided on a name yet?
Amy: We're not telling people until he's born.
Charles: Not the baby's name... my name. What's he gonna call me? Uncle Chuck? Unky C? Ooh... Chee-Chee, so he says it early?
Amy: Maybe just Charles.
Charles: Wait, so my dad gets to be his "Pop-Pop," but I'm just "Charles?"
Jake: Your dad does not get to be his "Pop-Pop."
Charles: Well I hope you're prepared to make that phone call.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Hello? Anyone? We're stuck in the elevator!
Captain Holt: Can't you yell any louder? Use those big strong lungs you're always flexing.
Sergeant Jeffords: These are my pecs.
Captain Holt: So this is all just for show then. It has no functional purpose.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, I am pretty strong.
Captain Holt: Good, then rip those doors open.
Sergeant Jeffords: I can't do that.
Captain Holt: Oh, well at least you haven't dedicated a significant portion of your life to looking like this.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: What is with you?
Captain Holt: I'm sorry. This is a nightmare of mine. I have a phobia of elevators. It stems from a traumatic experience I had as a child.
[flashback:]
Young Holt: They only perform rated-load testing on city elevators every five years? Oh, my.
[present:]
Captain Holt: That was the last time I read the municipal code before bed. But... the damage was done.

Quote from Charles

Amy: All right, as the highest ranking officer not trapped in a box, I'll take charge.
Charles: Uh, shouldn't you be taking it easy? Your shift's over. You're on maternity leave. As the baby's Chee-Chee...
Amy: Charles, I'm fine, and this is an emergency. Subways aren't running, and we're gonna have a lot of people on the street. So I'm gonna call Mounted Division to help with crowd control.
Charles: But that's Sergeant Peanut Butter's unit. No one wants to work with that condescending dick.
Amy: Okay, first of all, he's a horse, so he can't be condescending.
Charles: Ugh, oh-ho, he's got you people fooled.
Amy: Secondly... He's a lieutenant now.
Charles: What?! How?!

Quote from Charles

Charles: Oh, my God, he's beautiful. Oh, Jake, he's got your face.
Amy: Charles, meet Mac.
Jake: Short for McClane.
Charles: As in Shirley? I love it.
Jake: No, as in John, from "Die Hard."
Charles: I mean, they're both incredibly cool. Only one Oscar winner.

Quote from Scully

Captain Holt: That's everything, but before we go home, but quick reminder that today is Sergeant Santiago's last day before maternity leave. [applause] We'll see you in three months.
Scully: She gets three months off? Can I take a maternity leave?
Jake: Are you giving birth to a baby?
Scully: I'm having a seven pound mass removed from my abdomen next week. [all groan]
Jake: Yeah, never ask Scully questions. That's on me, guys!

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, what happened?
Officer Rick: Someone lost control of their car, jumped the curb, went through the fence, and rammed into the transformer. Guy must have been drunk. There was an empty bottle of vodka on the floor of the car.
Jake: Okay, Charles, I see two possibilities. One, he was vaporized into a being of pure electricity, becoming a supervillain known only as "The Surge Freak."
Officer Rick: Seems unlikely.
Jake: Yeah, I know, Officer Rick, that's why I said there were two possibilities. He probably just hobbled off so he wouldn't get a DUI. Here, we'll follow this very obvious trail of blood. Happy now? Stupid Officer Rick and his stupid joyless approach to life. Come on.

Quote from Scully

Amy: Fine, look... I don't have to go to the hospital until my contractions are three minutes apart and last for at least 45 seconds.
Rosa: Yeah, but don't you need to go home and pack some stuff?
Amy: [scoffs] I'll be fine. Scully, you have a hospital go-bag at your desk, right?
Scully: Yep, what do you need? One-day, three-day, coma kit?
Amy: I rest my case.

Quote from Scully

Amy: [groans, gasps] You made me a birthing suite?
Scully: We've been napping at work for 20 years. We know how to create a relaxing space in a police station.
Hitchcock: Gurney.
Scully: Fire blankets.
Hitchcock: Night stick for back massage.
Scully: Soothing lighting.
Hitchcock: AKA Scully's fart candles.
Rosa: I'm sorry I said you were worthless in an emergency. You two really came through.
Scully: It's just nice to have a win after what we went through today. So many deviled eggs were lost, and for what?
Hitchcock: Hey, hey, you can't focus on that. There were hundreds of meatballs that were eaten because of you!
Scully: I could've eaten more. Just one more!
Amy: Guys?
Hitchcock: Not now, Amy.

Quote from Rosa

Fireman Curt: Okay, Amy. I know you're in a lot of pain, but we don't have any meds here. You just gotta try not to focus on it. Can you distract her?
Rosa: I got this. Hey, Amy, they come out with any new binders recently?
Amy: I don't want to talk about binders, Rosa.
Rosa: All right, that was my big gun. She's just gonna feel this.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: How's he doing?
Amy: He's perfect. I see you changed.
Rosa: Oh yeah. That other outfit had a lot of afterbirth on it. Also during-birth and pre-birth. The point is I burned it.
Amy: Thanks for staying by my side. I know it wasn't easy for you.
Rosa: It was worth it. I'm Auntie Ro-Ro.
Charles: She gets to be Ro-Ro? Incredible. I've thrown seven years away for this.

Quote from Jake

Amy: Captain, Lieutenant, the dance was great, and it really helped, thank you.
Jake: Dance? What dance?
Captain Holt: She doesn't know what she's talking about. Mommy brain much?
Sergeant Jeffords: Captain Holt and I did a hip-hop dance routine.
Jake: Oh. I see. You know what? I don't even care that I missed it, because right now, I am holding my son, and there's nothing more important in the world than that.
Rosa: I have a video, if you wanna see it.
Jake: Amy, hold this baby. Rosa, give me that phone. Give me that phone. Everyone wash your hands.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: ♪ Spank that bottom spank that bo... ♪ [lights come on, elevator starts] We will never speak of this again.

Quote from Jake

Amy: So, only Captain Holt or Terry can initiate actual blackout protocol, but I don't see them anywhere.
Jake: Guys? Where did our dads go?

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'm just at the start of my labor. I haven't even had my first contrac... [moaning] ...tion.
Rosa: Was that a contraction?
Amy: No. That was just a crazy yawn.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Yes I am! I'm here.
Amy: Oh, Jake.
Jake: I can't believe I made it. I'm gonna see the birth of my... [gasping] We're on page 53! Babe, we're on page 53.
Amy: [screams] I know!
Jake: I rode a horse.

Quote from Charles

Amy: Thanks for getting Jake there in time.
Charles: Oh, don't thank me. The real hero is Lieutenant Peanut Butter.
Jake: No, it was all you, Charles. Or should I say... Uncle Charles.
Charles: Chee-Chee.
Jake: Don't ruin this moment for yourself.
Charles: Uncle Charles it is.


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