Latest ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ Quotes Page 1 of 25
Charles: Oh, my God, this is a dream come true. I gotta get my phone I gotta film this. Oh, but then I'll miss it. Oh, but I want it forever. Agh, but I should stay in the moment. Ah, but then I'll forget. Oh, my God, this is a nightmare.
Charles: Hey, what's up? I can't work the case tonight. Nikolaj's allergies are acting up, and now the dog seems to be allergic to him. It's this whole thing.
Detective Lohank: Well, well, well, if it isn't one of the world-famous Night Bros.
Jake: It's the Night Boys, and why did I correct you? I would've preferred "Bros."
Captain Holt: I don't think that's good party convo. Uh, maybe we should just name our favorite sailing knot. I'll start. The bowline. How about some tunes? [upbeat Sousa march]
Rosa: Cool, merry-go-round music.
Captain Holt: Yeah, John Phillips Sousa, the Skrillex of his day. C'mon, people, hit the dance floor. Have a good time. Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it.
Amy: It's true what they say: Night shift makes for strange bedfellows.
Hitchcock: In your dreams, perv.
Scully: Type 3 and type 9 and 12 and 13, those are all the diabeteses I have.
Charles: Now we just gotta pull his files from records.
Jake: Yep, then we bust him, and we'll be done with plenty of time before Nikolaj wakes up.
Charles: [correcting] Nikolaj.
Jake: Hm? Nikolaj, yeah, I said it.
Charles: Not even close. Nikolaj.
Charles: Almost. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj. I feel like I'm saying it.
Scully: I don't have any enamel on my teeth, so the cold air is excruciating.
Sergeant Jeffords: Maybe if you brushed your teeth once in a while, this wouldn't be a problem.
Scully: I do brush my teeth. They're decaying from acid reflux. You're embarrassing yourself.
Captain Holt: Attention, squad. Everyone, gather 'round. I've been researching ways to raise morale, and I found an interesting article in a scientific journal.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, was it from "The American Journal of No One Cares"?
Jake: Thank you, okay, so I break the back window, make my way over to the jewelry case. Meanwhile, you're standing lookout by the front door-
Charles: [French accent] Oui, oui.
Jake: Smoking a cigarette. Check it: Ash.
Charles: [French accent] Ooh la la. Okay, so I am smoking.
Jake: What are you doing?
Charles: Oh, Jacques rolls his own cigarettes, a habit he picked up from a prostitute in Marseille, but that is not all he picked up.
Jake: Why do all your characters get STDs?
Charles: [normal voice] Because they're living life!
Amy: At least we're getting to spend quality time together.
Rosa: Totally. I'll be back in 40 minutes.
Amy: What? Where are you going? We have to finish this by morning.
Rosa: Yeah, I know. I just have something important I have to do.
Rosa: I have to get ... some pens.
Amy: Then why are you putting your jacket on?
Rosa: Pen store's a block away.
Amy: The nearest pen store is seven blocks away, and it doesn't open until 9:00 a.m. I learned that the hard way.
Amy: I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but the night shift is taking all the fun out of paperwork.
Jake: Nuh-uh, I'm not gonna let the night shift win. Me and my main man Boyle are about to solve a case. Isn't that right, Charles?
Charles: Oh, you know we will. We'll call ourselves the Night Boys.
Jake: Kind of sounds like a male escort service.
Charles: The Midnight Men.
Jake: Even worse.
Charles: The Dark Stallions.
Jake: Looks like we're going with the Night Boys.
Jake: Anyways, I'm back to being a cop. It's all I've thought about for the last six months.
Sergeant Jeffords: Should I just go tell everyone to buck up and do their jobs?
Captain Holt: No, the squad's only on night shift because they came down to Florida to save Jake and me. It's my responsibility to fix this, so I'm going to brighten the mood by telling a few jokes. Try this one on for size: I don't care for cheese.I'm a curd-mudgeon. [silence] Wow. You're too tired for humor.