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‘House Mouses’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: House Mouses

316. House Mouses

Aired February 16, 2016

When Jake insults Hitchcock and Scully's work ethic in the precinct, they force their way into one of his cases in attempt to prove themselves. Meanwhile, Amy and Gina help Rosa conquer one of her biggest fears, and Holt and Boyle work a celebrity case.

Quote from Gina

Gina: I'm scared of businessmen. A whole army of gray-suited Brads and Chads trying to suck my soul and redeem it for frequent flyer miles.

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Quote from Amy

Jake: Sarge, Sarge, Sarge. You know that I'm your guy for this. You can't give a celebrity case to Amy. The last movie she saw was a documentary about spelling bees.
Amy: Wrong. It was about the font Helvetica, and it played like an action thriller.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Oh, you sweaty, chair-spinning morons. You're gonna get us out of here.

Quote from Gina

Gina: Hmm, what's this, then? "Dear Captain Raymond Holt, thinking of you. Best, Dr.
Kevin Cozner, Ph.D." He even used their pet names.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Look, it's okay. We all have fears. I'm so claustrophobic, I can't even go into the downstairs supply closet. I hear they have some hot new binder clips, but I'll never know.

Quote from Scully

Sergeant Jeffords: Where's Hitchcock? I'm taking you guys off your drug case.
Scully: Of course you are. Jake said you didn't believe in us.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? He didn't believe in you either. He was just pumping you up with lies so you'd work his case.
Scully: Jake, is this true?
Jake I just thought, you know, the two of you might be better off mousing around the old house.
Scully: Oh, I get it. Just because I got my finger stuck in a glue trap once, I'm a mouse? I got the cheese out, by the way.
Jake: Oh my God.

Quote from Amy

Amy: But then I relaxed, and I found my inner strength. I think the lesson here is that, as women, we- (Rosa tries to close the trunk) No, no, no, no! You close that trunk again and I will kill you! You hear me? I will kill you!

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, Gina! We got an anonymous gift basket. Yeah, it's full of treats. It's got meats, cheeses, candies, all the food groups.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Check it out, sir. A lovely gift basket that Kevin sent you all the way from Paris.
Charles: Straight from Paris!
Captain Holt: Stapler, scissors. Rubber bands. That man really knows me.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: No, our victim is John William Weichselbraun.
Charles: Remind me who that is again?
Captain Holt: You're kidding. He's a world-renowned oboist, first chair with the New York Symphony Orchestra. Kevin and I are huge fans of Weichselbraun's work. We are what the Internet sometimes refers to as Weichselbraun fans.
Charles: Not Weichselbrauniacs?
Captain Holt: Oh, that's very good. I'm gonna use that liberally.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, man, we need to know where Hitchcock is. I am ordering you to tell us everything.
Scully: Fine. We're setting up a sting. I'm going undercover as Tex Dallas, billionaire oil man from Dallas, Texas, with ties to the cowboy mafia.
Jake: Oh, boy.
Scully: Hitchcock's my middle man, Reno Vegas, mobster from Reno, Las Vegas.
Jake: I said my "oh, boy" too soon.

Quote from Jake

Scully: In 20 minutes, he's going in totally alone, unarmed, without a cell phone, to meet with one of their guys to set up a buy. So how do you like our plan now?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's a disaster, man! We got to stop it!
Scully: Disaster? Tell me one thing that's wrong with Operation Beans.
Jake: Operation Beans?!

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You're an incredibly gracious host, Mr. Weichselbraun.
Mr. Weichselbraun: Wow, that pronunciation is flawless.
Captain Holt: [laughs] I must admit, I'm a bit of a Weichselbrauniac.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Hmm, I saw you perform Bach's "Oboe Sonata in G Minor" at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. I was in the front row.
Mr. Weichselbraun: You were escorted out for gasping too loudly.

Quote from Captain Holt

Charles: Oh, I didn't realize you were here, Mr. Weichselbraun.
Mr. Weichselbraun: I was in the area, and the captain is a fan, so I came by to give him a little gift, as a thank you.
Captain Holt: It's a signed copy of his book of mouth exercises. "Reed It and Weep." "Reed" with two Es? It's my favorite joke of all time.

Quote from Rosa

Amy: Hey, Rosa. Saw you hadn't signed up for the blood drive yet, so I brought you the sheet.
Rosa: Sorry, can't. (reading the sign-up sheet) I'm under 17 years old.

Quote from Rosa

Amy: Wait, you didn't sign up last year, either. Or the year before. Are you afraid of needles?
Rosa: I don't like being stabbed by someone so they can steal my blood. I'm crazy.

Quote from Rosa

Amy: No, Rosa, we are doing something important here. We are women, standing up and supporting each other and becoming-
(Rosa closes the trunk with Amy inside)
Rosa: New fear: listening to Amy inspire us.
Gina: Be back in a half hour, Ames.

Quote from Amy

Rosa: How'd it go?
Amy: Well, the first ten minutes were really terrible. The diaper did not fit. It was for a baby. (Gina rolls her eyes)

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: So what's the plan?
Scully: We stick with Operation Beans. We knock on the front door. I say I'm Tex Dallas.
You're my buddy, Alamo, and you're Black Fred.
Sergeant Jeffords: Black Fred? Why Black Fred? There's no other Fred!
Scully: Yeah, but they don't know that.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I'm giving my drug bust to Hitchcock and Scully. It's time to get these mice out of their hice. Oh, that was lame. Life is meaningless. We're all gonna die. Mouses out of their houses. Yes, I am the greatest. Every breath is a gift. Sorry about the roller coaster.

Quote from Gina

Gina: To conquer my fear of businessmen, I must walk among them. I will shake their clammy hands and listen to them talk about things like how hard Wednesdays can be.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Oh no, he's not gonna last. Oh, Jake, you got to do something. I don't want to marry Hitchcock's wife.

Quote from Scully

Jake: Scully! Grab his gun.
Scully: (breaks free from being tied up in a chair) It's not sticky because I'm so juicy!


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