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‘He Said, She Said’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: He Said, She Said

608. He Said, She Said

Aired February 28, 2019

Jake and Amy investigate a difficult "he said, she said" case. Holt becomes suspicious after learning his lifelong arch nemesis died in a prison transport accident.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Captain, sorry to interrupt. I just got off the phone with the Department of Corrections. They wanted me to let you know that Ernest Zumowski died.
Captain Holt: My goodness. It's been a while since I've heard that name. I hunted him for years and finally caught him and put an end to his bloodlust. In some sick way, I am who I am because of Ernest Zumowski AKA-
All: The Disco Strangler.
Captain Holt: Oh, so you knew who I was talking about?
Charles: Yeah, sir, you talk about him a lot.
Captain Holt: You know, the yo-yo was his-
All: Calling card.
Captain Holt: Oh, I mentioned that too? So how'd he die?
Sergeant Jeffords: He was in a prison transport van, and he got in a terrible accident. It burst into flames, and he was trapped inside.
Captain Holt: [laughing] Well, well, well, he finally did it.
Charles: Died horribly?
Captain Holt: Escaped. Just like he said he would all those years ago.
Disco Strangler: I'll be coming back for you. I'm just like disco, baby. I will never die.
Captain Holt: True, disco will never die, but you will-
All: In your cell, punk.
Captain Holt: Oh, so I've told that part of the story as well?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes, at every Christmas party.
Charles: Sir, I am the first to tout the capabilities of senior citizens. I have made love to many, but the Disco Strangler is over 80. I doubt that he could pull off an escape like this.
Captain Holt: Oh, that's what he wants you to think. You're both underestimating him. I know 28 other people who did that, and they all ended up with yo-yos around their throats.
Charles and Sergeant Jeffords: Necks.
Captain Holt: Nope, I said "throats," not necks, which means I haven't told that story too many times. All right, lace up your dancing shoes because it's time to catch this disco bastard.


Quote from Captain Holt

Dr. Oliver Cox: So in conclusion: the burns on Zumowski's body are consistent with a massive vehicle fire.
Captain Holt: If this even is his body.
Dr. Oliver Cox: Excuse me?
Captain Holt: We're talking about the Disco Strangler a serial killer, who for six years stayed one step ahead of the entire NYPD.
Sergeant Jeffords: Not sure he had many steps left in him, sir. Take a look.
Charles: Aw. He looks fragile and sweet.
Captain Holt: Sweet as poison pie.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: All right, the state police is deploying 30 men and four helicopters to comb the area of the accident. I felt comfortable saying this disco-man has danced his last disco dance.

Quote from Captain Holt

Regina Park: Sorry if my voice is raspy. They just took the breathing tube out.
Captain Holt: But they left the BS in?
Sergeant Jeffords: Good God.
Charles: Whoa.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: So, Ms. Park, it says in my file that you drove Mr. Zumowski on multiple occasions.
Regina Park: Yes. Because he had to go to the hospital a lot. He was very, very old.
Captain Holt: She's clearly been seduced.
Sergeant Jeffords: She has?
Captain Holt: Let's cut the crap. You helped him escape. You planted a cadaver in the back. You flipped the van on purpose. Then the Strangler set it on fire and sprinkled some of his hair nearby so there'd be a DNA match. Then he left behind his calling card: this yo-yo string!
Regina Park: That's not a yo-yo string.
Captain Holt: What?
Regina Park: That's part of the lanyard we give to the older inmates when they become fall risks.
Captain Holt: You're lying. You've succumbed to his groovy voodoo!

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Zowie. I'm young!
Sergeant Jeffords: What is it?
Captain Holt: It's an aerial photograph from one of the helicopters I had deployed. Take a gander, boys. It's him. The Disco Strangler.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, my God. You were right.
Captain Holt: Of course I was. I know him better than anyone. We're two sides of the same-
All: Coin!
Charles: You've told us this story many times.
Captain Holt: And you'll hear it again!

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Freeze! NYPD!
Ernest Zumowski: Is that Raymond Holt I see? You haven't changed a bit.
Captain Holt: Neither have you, Ernest.
Ernest Zumowski: What?
Captain Holt: [louder] Neither have you, Ernest.
Ernest Zumowski: What?
Captain Holt: Neither have you, Ernest!
Sergeant Jeffords: Ugh, this is hard to watch.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You're just as devious as ever. You seduced the van driver, didn't you?
Ernest Zumowski: No, I seduced the van driver. She couldn't resist my groovy voodoo.
Captain Holt: And the yo-yo string was a message.
Ernest Zumowski: The what was a what?
Captain Holt: The yo-yo string was-
Charles: Captain, this is embarrassing. Can we just take him in?
Captain Holt: Yeah, you're right. This isn't what I hoped for. Go ahead and cuff him, gently.
Ernest Zumowski: This isn't the last you'll hear from me, Raymond. I'm never gonna die.
Captain Holt: Sure you won't. Whatever makes you feel better.
Ernest Zumowski: No, you're the punk.
Captain Holt: Just put him in the car.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I just don't think that men understand how different everything is for us.
I can think of a million examples from this week alone.
[Jake and Amy on the street:]
Jake: [observing a kid playing a video game] Oh, sick!
Amy: [a man creeps on Amy] Oh, sick!
[Jake and Amy getting coffee:]
Lyle: Have a great day.
Jake: Oh, thanks. You too.
Lyle: [to Amy] You have a beautiful mouth. Have a great day.
[Amy in the corridors of the precinct:]
Ron: Excuse me, Miss, do you know where I can find a police officer? [to Jake] Uh, sir, you're a police officer, right?
Jake: Yeah, I'm a detective.
Ron: Oh, thank God.
Amy: I'm in uniform!
Jake: Oh, that's why you yelled that. I thought you were just excited about your general love of uniforms.
Amy: Usually when I yell that, it is because of my love of uniforms but not today. Today it was because of that sexist jerk.

Quote from Scully

Scully: He probably sat on it.
Hitchcock: So it got under his butt.
Scully: Happens all the time.
Hitchcock: Sure do.
Jake: Ugh, you guys are horrible.

Quote from Jake

Jake: God, how many creeps have I not noticed before- Oh, no. The fruit seller guy on our corner, is he a creep?
Amy: No, he's a real gentleman, which is surprising because he's always holding those two cantaloupes and the opportunity to be gross is right there.
Jake: Is it? I've never even noticed that before. I never wanted to make a comment or anything like that and thought better. [sniffles] Anyways.

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