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‘DFW’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: DFW

517. DFW

Aired April 15, 2018

Jake invites his newly discovered half-sister (guest star Nasim Pedrad) to stay with him in New York, but when he and Amy realize she's a bit of a nightmare, they must find a way to get her back home to Dallas.

Quote from Gina

Rosa: I'm sorry. I just don't think this is something you're good at.
Gina: What? The only thing I'm not good at is modesty, because I'm great at it.

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Quote from Amy

Jake: Um, when was the last time you saw your dad?
Katie Peralta: I mean, I've only ever met him like nine times. Ten if you count the time he sent his co-pilot Steve to hang out with me, 'cause he was too hungover.
Jake: I remember Steve. He taught me how to shave.
Katie Peralta: He taught me how to shave.
Amy: Where?!

Quote from Jake

Amy: So, your sister's a bit of a nightmare.
Jake: I wouldn't say that. I mean, at most, she's a daymare.
Amy: Those are so much scarier.
Jake: Yeah.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Ugh, there are silver butt prints everywhere. Why did he need to paint his butt? He wears pants.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Captain Holt, I need a - what's going on?
Captain Holt: My doctor said I should be more active, but my squash club recently transitioned to racquetball. Since I'm not a dope-smoking hooligan, I decided to quit.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Becky and I broke up. She ate soup too much.
Gina: What, like every day?
Rosa: It happened twice.

Quote from Jake

Katie Peralta: Jake?
Jake: Ka- oh, no.
Katie Peralta: It's me, Kate. Give me a hug.
Police Officer: Stand down, ma'am.
Katie Peralta: Back off, dude! That's my brother!
Jake: Oh, no. It's a Mongkut situation.

Quote from Amy

Jake: What are we gonna do? My sister cannot move here. I'll just tell her it's a bad idea, and she shouldn't do it. Ugh, but I'm the only family she has. I don't want to hurt her feelings and send her into a downward spiral.
Amy: She slept with a tin man, Jake. I don't think the spiral goes any further down.

Quote from Charles

Captain Holt: I'll get a couple officers to help lift you up.
Charles: No need. I can handle this.
Sergeant Jeffords: Charles, there's no way you can lift me.
Charles: Yoga's given me great bone strength, Terry. So get ready you're about to enter the bone zone.
Sergeant Jeffords: Not a thing.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: So, what are you drinking?
Trischelle: I'll have a margarita. But, like, a skinny margarita. So, like, tequila, lime, and a tiny splash of agave.
Rosa: Mm. I refuse to order that.

Quote from Gina

Gina: You know what, men are difficult because they're all secretly monsters, but now that I know you're bi, that changes everything. I know so many great women.

Quote from Jake

Amy: This is your sister. It's gonna be great. You just have to relax and be yourself.
Jake: But what if myself isn't good enough, you know? What if I'm the Mongkut?


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