Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes
- By Episode:
- Season 1
- Season 2
- Season 3
- Season 4
- Coral Palms Pt. 1
- Coral Palms Pt. 2
- Coral Palms Pt. 3
- The Night Shift
- Halloween IV
- Monster in the Closet
- Mr. Santiago
- Skyfire Cycle
- The Overmining
- Captain Latvia
- The Fugitive (Part 1)
- The Fugitive (Part 2)
- The Audit
- Serve & Protect
- The Last Ride
- Moo Moo
- Chasing Amy
- Your Honor
- The Slaughterhouse
- The Bank Job
- Crime & Punishment
- Season 5
- Season 6
Brooklyn Nine-Nine centers on a police precinct where an uptight new captain tries to instill order in his squad.
Starring: Andy Samberg, Melissa Fumero, Stephanie Beatriz, Joe Lo Truglio, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Terry Crews, Dirk Blocker, Joel McKinnon Miller.
Original Run: 2013-.
Quote of the Day
Saturday, April 4, 2020
Agent Kendrick: What are your demands?
Jake: A guarantee that this drill doesn't end until one of us is dead.
Charles: Also, one large pizza with fennel sausage - brick oven, otherwise it's sog city. And Scully needs some Gasinex, extra strength.
Captain Holt: Nothing's okay. Wuntch is circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An Internal Affairs investigation casting doubt upon my integrity. And you ask, is everything okay? I am buffeted by the winds of my foe's enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a Captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask, is everything okay? I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold, and now I feel it being ripped from my grasp, and with it the very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, is everything okay?
Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.
Madeline Wuntch: Trent, Brice, where are we with the name?
Trent: We've narrowed it down to two choices. Petey or Paulie.
Gina: With all due respect, that Pigeon is clearly a Ray-Jay. Hi, Gina Linetti, the human form of the 100 Emoji.
Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.
Captain Holt: Fine, but on two conditions we stay at least 4 inches apart at all times, and you tuck your tail back into your pants so I don't trip on it.
Madeline Wuntch: Deal.
Jake: Hitchcock, can you top it?
Hitchcock: Mine has mother's hospital bed.
Amy: Okay, Scully?
Scully: I got this one red door I've never been able to open and I hear screams behind it sometimes. But it's probably just the wind.
Jake: Okay, that's actually too scary.
Amy: Oh, wait. Before we decide Scully, what's your basement like?
Scully: Bunch of old Victorian wallpaper that came with the house. I tried to peel it off, but the wall underneath was covered with fingernail scratches.
Jake: So we'll make a hostage video, but I don't think we should do it here. It's too nice. Do we know anyone with, like, a real creepy basement?
Hitchcock: Yeah, it's just got one exposed light bulb and a couple of spent mattresses.
Jake: "Spent"? Oh, yeah. That sounds perfect.
Jake: The point is, without any good leads, Kelly will give the order to use the stingray an order that we will record thanks to our very own Madeline Wuntch.
Madeline Wuntch: Not possible. Kelly won't tell me anything. He won't even meet with me.
Captain Holt: Perhaps you can sneak in disguised as an old leather chair.