Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Brooklyn Nine-Nine centers on a police precinct where an uptight new captain tries to instill order in his squad.

Starring: Andy Samberg, Melissa Fumero, Stephanie Beatriz, Joe Lo Truglio, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Terry Crews, Dirk Blocker, Joel McKinnon Miller.
Original Run: 2013-.

Quote of the Day

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Quote from Jake in Payback

Jake: Look, sarge, I burnt two hundred calories.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's your heart rate.
Jake: Yeah, that checks out.

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Quote from Captain Holt in The Mole

Captain Holt: Nothing's okay. Wuntch, circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An Internal Affairs investigation casting doubt upon my integrity. And you ask, is everything okay? I am buffeted by the winds of my foe's enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a Captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask, is everything okay? I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold, and now I feel it being ripped from my grasp, and with it the very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, is everything okay?

Quote from Jake in The Party

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in Beach House

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

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Quote from Captain Holt in Tactical Village

Jake: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Captain Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

Quote from Jake in Crime & Punishment

Amy: Should we talk about what happens if they somehow find you guilty?
Jake: That's not happening. But what we should talk about is how we're gonna celebrate when I win. I'm thinking we take a trip to Paris or London, Rome, anywhere Jason Bourne has driven a car down some stairs.
Amy: Paris sounds fun. Or we could just go somewhere we could actually afford.
Jake: Oh, we can afford it. Don't forget I robbed a bank. I'm sitting on $26 million, baby!
Judge Marinovich: Excuse me?
Amy: Oh! He's just kidding.
Jake: Yeah, I'm innocent. You'll see when we get in there. Nice talking to you, Judge.

Quote from Hitchcock in Thanksgiving

Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.