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‘Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib’ Quotes

Young Sheldon: Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib

310. Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib

Aired December 12, 2019

Sheldon fakes being sick to avoid a swim test at school. Also, Dr. Sturgis spies on Meemaw's new boyfriend.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: In many ways, a high school is like an academic house of horrors. There's the cafeteria, which when even freshly cleaned, maintains a subtle aroma of tater tots and throw-up. The schoolyard, where one is exposed to bullying by delinquents and attacks from above by eye-pecking demons. [bird tweets] But all of these pale in comparison to the most horrific location of all. A place teeming with the sweat and secretions from hundreds of unwashed bodies. The swimming pool.

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Quote from Adult Sheldon

Principal Petersen: Sorry, Sheldon. Water safety is a required part of your P.E. class.
Sheldon: But other kids use that pool. It's basically a big bowl of teenager soup.
Principal Petersen: It's out of my hands. It's a state requirement. If you don't like it, take it up with your congressman.
Sheldon: I did. He won't return my calls.
Principal Petersen: Then I guess you're swimming tomorrow. [manic laughter, thunder clap and lightning]
Adult Sheldon: Except for the laughter, the glowing eyes and the lightning, that's exactly how it happened.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm a little nervous. You're the first ex-girlfriend I've ever been friends with. And you're also my first ex-girlfriend. And that's because you-
Meemaw: How about you just think of me as your friend?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Come on, Jesus. This is for your birthday. Help me out.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: Boy, Sheldon is really worked up about this whole swimming thing.
George Sr.: Don't you think he should learn for his own safety?
Mary: You really think he's ever gonna go near a body of water?
George Sr.: Yeah. Well, it's only a matter of time before someone throws him in one.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Observation is an important part of the scientific method. Darwin observed the finches, Jane Goodall observed the chimpanzees, and for some reason, Dr. Sturgis wanted to observe my meemaw's new suitor.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dale: Howdy. Can I help you?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, no, just browsing.
Dale: Yeah, well, any particular sport you might need that for?
Dr. John Sturgis: Depends. What the heck is it?
Dale: It's a cup.
Dr. John Sturgis: A cup? What kind of a cup has holes in it?
Dale: Well, it protects your private parts.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I can see how that might be useful. Well, this has been very informative.
Thank you.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: [answering phone] Hello.
Dr. John Sturgis: I may have made a questionable, uh, decision regarding our friendship.
Meemaw: What have you done, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: I went to the sporting goods store to check out your new fella.
Meemaw: Did you speak to him?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, yes. In fact, he sold me an athletic supporter to protect my genitals.
Meemaw: Good. You may want to be wearing that next time I see you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm being forced to swim tomorrow in P.E.
Missy: Poor baby. You have to play in a pool instead of sit in a classroom.
Sheldon: A pool of sweat, germs and dead skin cells.
Missy: Still better than learning.
Sheldon: Maybe it's time for me to run away from home and join a traveling math club.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Just pretend to be sick.
Sheldon: But that would be lying. I'm not a liar.
Missy: Well, you better be a swimmer. Or a drowner.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Mom says you're sick.
Missy: [whispering] He's faking.
George Jr.: Really? [closes door] Why? You love school.
Sheldon: Swim test.
George Jr.: Oh, sure. You would die.

Quote from Mary

George Jr.: If you're gonna do this, let me give you some pointers.
Sheldon: You've done this before?
George Jr.: Tell him.
Missy: Oh, he's the master. He coached me through my last two sore throats.
Sheldon: I slept on the couch during those.
Missy: I know.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: First of all, you got to cough even when Mom's not in the room.
Sheldon: Got it. [coughing]
George Jr.: And don't put the thermometer in the tea. 114 fever is a giveaway.
Sheldon: Smart.
Missy: Told you.
George Jr.: Oh, don't be afraid to let her look in your throat. She's checking to see if it's red, but it's always red.
Sheldon: You are good.
George Jr.: Here, try spitting up a little phlegm.
Sheldon: [clears throat, sniffs, splutters]
George Jr.: We got work to do.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: You want to get comfy on the couch and watch your Star Trek tapes?
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Mary: I know what'll make you feel better. [singing] Soft kitty, warm kitty Little ball of fur Happy kitty Sleepy kitty Purr, purr, purr Soft liar, warm liar Little ball of fib Happy liar, sleepy liar Fib, fib, fib. Feel better?
Sheldon: Uh-uh.

Quote from Meemaw

Dale: Now, don't fill up on those. We still got two giant cookies to finish.
Meemaw: I'm sorry about all that stuff with John. I- He means well, but sometimes he can just be, uh a little quirky.
Dale: Yeah, I kind of figured that; yeah, I watched him play ping-pong with his own crotch.
Meemaw: I don't know what that is, but I'm sure he did it.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Okay, calm down. Now, you listen to me, you shouldn't have lied. It's always wrong. But you made up for it by telling me the truth.
Sheldon: So, you forgive me?
Mary: I do, but I need you to do me a favor. As far as your father is concerned, you were sick.
Sheldon: Isn't that lying?
Mary: Honestly? No.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: The following day, I returned to school. I had no choice but to fulfill my swimming requirement. Much like Batman, I suited up and faced my fears. Unlike Batman, I did it with a doggy-paddle across the shallow end of the pool. Uh, regarding pool sanitation, it turned out I was right. It was teeming with germs. Only I was the one who put them there. As it happens, my interaction with Billy Sparks did get me sick. I, in turn, created a small epidemic taking down 128 students, four teachers and one principal. It didn't stop there. I also infected my mother, father, sister, brother, Meemaw and Meemaw's friend Dale. The newly established boundaries of friendship helped keep Dr. Sturgis healthy. However, in an unrelated incident, he crashed his bike into some garbage cans. Luckily, he landed on his recently acquired athletic cup.
Dr. John Sturgis: That was a wise purchase.


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