George Cooper Quotes Page 1 of 3

Quote from A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

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Quote from Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Mary: Anyway, I'm sorry to drag you into this, but it is demons, so it's in your purview.
Pastor Jeff: It is indeed. In fact, at a recent Young Baptist Leaders Conference, I attended a seminar on satanic leisure activities.
Mary: And?
Pastor Jeff: And the important lesson is, rather than have a parent or authority figure take the offending game away, let God remove it, root and stem.
Meemaw: Question, PJ. Uh, how's the big guy do that?
Pastor Jeff: Simple, Sheldon needs to start attending Sunday school. If he likes books with demons and devils, I've got one that will blow his mind.
George Sr.: What book is that?
Mary: The Bible, George.
George Sr.: Sure, yeah.

Quote from A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

George Sr.: Looks like your house is okay.
Meemaw: You were just worried I might have to come live with you.
George Sr.: Oh, I think the word you're looking for is "terrified".

Quote from A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

Sheldon: And then I said octopus aliens didn't need to become Christian because they're not affected by original sin.
Missy: You should've been there; Pastor Jeff almost started crying.
George Sr.: Oh, now I'm sorry I missed it.
Mary: That's your fault for having a hangover.
George Sr.: Or it's God's fault for putting Sunday morning after Saturday night.

Quote from Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Sheldon: Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?
George Sr.: I guess. Why?
Sheldon: Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.
George Sr.: Yeah. So?
Sheldon: Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?
George Sr.: Not at all.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: Simple. We never talk about it.
Sheldon: So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?
George Sr.: At all costs.

Quote from A Proposal and a Popsicle Stick Cross

George Sr.: You mind putting down my kid?
Clint Watson: We were just playing around.
Veronica: This is my mom's boyfriend, Clint.
George Sr.: Hello, Clint. What can we do for you?
Clint Watson: I'm here to pick up Veronica. Come on.
George Sr.: You want to go with this man?
Veronica: No, sir.
George Sr.: You heard her. Thanks for stopping by.
Clint Watson: You really want to mess with me?
George Sr.: Sure. Why not?
[THUDDING OUTSIDE]
Mary: What's going on out there?
George Sr.: You might want to call the police.
Mary: Why?
George Sr.: There's a bum sleeping on our front porch.

Quote from Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair

Mary: You're a good dad.
George Sr.: If I don't kill one of them before Sunday, I'm a good dad.

Quote from Pilot

George Sr.: What the hell were you doing out there?
Mary: George, language.
George Sr.: What language?

Quote from A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run

George Sr.: I'll be right back.
George Jr.: Mind if I have a sip of your beer?
George Sr.: You mind if I dip your head in the compost heap?
George Jr.: You could have just said no.

Quote from An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo

Mary: All right, let's say grace.
George Jr.: [SNIFFLES] Guess I get to hold hands with you now.
George Sr.: Guess so. Maybe Sheldon's mittens weren't such a bad idea.

Quote from Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Mary: I'm worried. There are incantations in this book to summon actual demons.
George Sr.: Is that how we wound up with you?
Meemaw: That's a good one. I'm gonna give you that.
Mary: This is not a joke. This is one of the children's games we were warned about in church.
Meemaw: Then tell him to stop playing.
Mary: It's not that easy. He's finally got a couple of friends. I don't want to scare them off.
George Sr.: Well, when you're ready to scare kids, you got this face locked and loaded.
Meemaw: All right, the other one was funny, now you're just being a jackass.

Quote from Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

George Sr.: How about this? Go ahead and take the job. Yeah, if it turns out Sheldon and Missy can't look out for themselves for a couple hours after school, then well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Mary: Are you sure about this?
George Sr.: Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em. Teach 'em a little responsibility.
Mary: That's exactly what my mom said.
George Sr.: Really? Well, I still like the idea.

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