TV Quotes

Amy: I tried to ask him about it, and he invoked section three, article five of the marriage contract: beeswax comma none of your.

Amy: Who's Tam?
Sheldon: He was my best friend in the whole world growing up.
Amy: Really? Why have I never heard you mention him before?
Sheldon: Oh, of course I have. I'm sure I've mentioned him, like, five times this week.
Amy: I don't think you have.
Sheldon: Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! There, it's only Thursday.
Amy: I didn't just drink the crazy milk, I bought the crazy cow.

Amy: Hey, did you guys know that Sheldon had a best friend growing up named Tam?
Leonard: Was that the imaginary talking koala?
Amy: No. He's a real person who apparently betrayed him.
Leonard: Yeah, so did the koala.

Howard: Wow. I wonder what that guy could've done to make Sheldon not talk to him for 20 years.
Leonard: I wonder if it'd work a second time.

Penny: Okay, listen, I'm really worried about this whole Raj thing.
Bernadette: I know, he's so desperate to get married, which is weird, because I can't imagine we make it look that great.
Penny: I know, right?

Bernadette: Well, I could ask my dad. Maybe he can get some of his old cop buddies to do a background check on her.
Penny: Would he do that?
Bernadette: Of course. He's a retired cop who plays by his own rules. [on the phone] Hi, Daddy. No, everything's good. I just have a favor to ask. Yeah, so, my friend Raj is marrying this woman that he barely knows, and I wanted to see if you could use your connections to dig up any dirt on her. Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Love you.
Penny: Is he in?
Bernadette: Absolutely not. He won't do it. It's totally illegal.
Penny: I thought you said he played by his own rules.
Bernadette: He does, but apparently, they're very similar to the actual rules.

Howard: All right, got his enemies list. Ooh, he updated the interface. You can search by first name, last name or length of grudge.
Raj: Is Tam on it?
Howard: Let's see. Yep. Right here. Tam Nguyen.
Leonard: Oh, great. What did he do?
Howard: Hold on. I have to agree to the terms of service. No, I'm not a robot. Okay.
"Which of these are plants?" And we're in.

Sheldon: When I moved to California, what did you do?
Tam: I stayed in Texas.
Sheldon: Do you believe this guy?!

Howard: So, he was your best friend growing up?
Tam: Yes.
Howard: Were there no other kids in Texas?

Sheldon: Howard, today is your lucky day. Leonard's out, you're my new best friend. Well, I'm not thrilled about it either, but here we are. Okay, fine. Is Bernadette there? Sh- No? Just Stuart? Let me call you back.