TV Quotes

Amy: Okay, what is going on?
Penny: We just want you to be prepared for any surprises that could happen tomorrow.
Amy: What surprises?
Bernadette: We don't want to spoil anything, but you should know that Sheldon said he's ready to be physical.
Amy: You shut your damn mouth! You actually heard him say this?
Penny: Yes, he said he wants to do something to show you how much you mean to him.
Amy: I can't believe it. I don't know what to say.
Bernadette: Well, we're really happy for you and we know how much-
Amy: I do know what to say. Let's get me waxed!

Sheldon: (3 knocks) Penny! (3 knocks) Penny! (3 knocks) Penny!
Bernadette: What happens if I say come in?
Penny: Well, find out.
Bernadette: Come in!
Sheldon: (silence)
(3 knocks) Bernadette! (3 knocks) Bernadette! (3 knocks) Bernadette!
Penny: Come in!
Sheldon: Keep it up. I've got nowhere else to be.
Bernadette: Just come in.
Sheldon: For future reference, if I want to watch Mean Girls, I'll just stream it on Netflix.

Sheldon: Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals.

Penny: You guys just got back together. You might not want to ditch her on her birthday.
Leonard: I think Penny has a point. You can see it another day.
Sheldon: But someone might spoil the movie. No one can spoil Amy's birthday for me. Surprise, she's even older. Who saw that coming?
Penny: Aww, that's nice. Put that on her cake.

Penny: Okay, let's just recap our options. We've got harp thing, sheep thing-
Bernadette: Wild thang.

Sheldon: Oh, I should probably tell you something about this gift.
Amy: You mean, before you give it to me?
Sheldon: Yes. But may I ask you a question before I give it to you?
Amy: Of course.
Sheldon: Why are we saying give it to you like that?

Sheldon: Well, I enjoyed that more than I thought I would.
Amy: Me too!
Sheldon: I look forward to your next birthday when we do it again!
Amy: That works for me.

Amy: Sheldon, what's wrong?
Sheldon: I wanted to let you know I'll be spending your birthday with you.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: See, I had tickets to the Star Wars premiere that night, but Professor Proton came to me in a dream, dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and convinced me that I should be with you.
Amy: Obi-what?
Sheldon: I'll let you get back to sleep now. Good night.
Amy: Good night. Uh, Sheldon, were you actually not going to spend my birthday with me?
Sheldon: (feigning sleepiness) It's late, gotta go, bye.

Sheldon: Well, this is different. Candles and music.
Amy: Do you like it?
Sheldon: It's kind of spooky.
Amy: I can change it back.
Sheldon: No, it's your birthday. As long as no one jumps out in a hockey mask, I'll be fine.

Amy: Sheldon, I know your present is for us to be intimate tonight.
Sheldon: I see. Is that all right?
(Amy kisses Sheldon)
Sheldon: I'm sorry, but this is a litigious society. I'm going to need verbal consent.
Amy: Yes!

Bernadette: Come on, it could be romantic. The two of them away together, keeping each other warm in snowy Wisconsin.
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, no. She'd be going alone. If you think I'm scared of birds, you should see me around sheep.

Penny: Well, what's the third option?
Sheldon: That I have coitus with her.
(Penny's wine glass smashes in her hand)

Sheldon: All right, this goes against everything I stand for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. (Kneels down to pray) Lord, this is Sheldon Cooper, you're good friends with my mom. I know I've spent my life denying that you exist-
Howard: Got them!
Sheldon: -and I will continue do so!

Sheldon: (3 knocks) Birthday girl! (3 knocks) Birthday girl! (3 knocks) Birthday girl!

Sheldon: Sorry I'm late. I also got you a balloon, but it floated away and I chased it for a while.

Leonard: Guys, tickets already went on sale.
Sheldon: What?
Howard: They're not supposed to be available yet.
Leonard: I don't know what to tell you, but they're already available.
Raj: Wait, are you sure they're Star Wars tickets?
Leonard: No, it's Steel Magnolias 2: Even Steelier.

Sheldon: Well, as you know, I'll be celebrating Amy's birthday with her, and I could use your assistance in helping me select the perfect gift.
Bernadette: Sure.
Sheldon: So far I've come up with three ideas. The first, is a chance for her to play the harp with the L.A. Philharmonic.
Penny: Wow. You can really arrange that?
Sheldon: I said a chance. When you tell them it's your birthday at Bennigan's they make a fuss. I don't see why the Philharmonic would be any different.

Bernadette: How about something a little more realistic?
Sheldon: Well, Amy enjoys knitting her own sweaters, so I was thinking of getting her an all expenses-paid trip to the Wisconsin Sheep and Wool Festival.
Penny: (Silence) Sorry, I was waiting for the Bazinga!

Raj: I can't believe Sheldon gave this up.
Leonard: I know. We're gonna have so much more fun than him.
Bernadette: No, they're not.
Penny: Knowing them, they will.

Raj: I don't think I can walk right now.

Bernadette: Great. And then maybe after, we can watch a dirty movie, and if I anybody has any questions about what happened or how, we can answer them.

Sheldon: Thursday can't get here soon enough. I'm taking off work to watch the original trilogy while I eat enough Star Wars cereal to choke a wookie.

Penny: Sweetie, you do realize Thursday is Amy's birthday?
Sheldon: And you do realize I bought my ticket when Amy and I were broken up. I hope you didn't need anything in that case, because it's closed.

Sheldon: Which do you think she'll prefer? Because I checked the Sheep and Wool website and there's only 8,000 tickets left.

Professor Proton: I was just curious. How'd it go?
Sheldon: It was amazing. I saw it a few days later. What a movie!
Professor Proton: What about Amy?
Sheldon: Oh, she liked it fine, but she doesn't have the history with the franchise like I do.
Professor Proton: Okay. Good talk.

Sheldon: This is my ticket to Star Wars. I don't need to tell you that it is worth far more than its face value of $15.50. I trust you'll give it to someone worthy.
(Sheldon hands the ticket to Leonard)
Leonard: You got it. Penny might want to join us-
(Sheldon yanks the ticket out of Leonard's hand and goes to Raj)
Sheldon: This is my ticket to Star Wars...

Penny: I'm really happy that you and Amy are back together.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Leonard: I'm also really happy, but I can't pretend it's for you. New Star Wars in three days!

Amy: So, what'd you have in mind for tonight?
Sheldon: I thought I could take you out to a nice birthday dinner. If we pick a place
east of here, we might find the balloon.

Raj: Tonight's the night!
Leonard: Yeah, the wait is finally over.
Penny: I know, then you'll finally stop talking about it.

Leonard: So, if you don't like Star Wars, why are you here?
Wil Wheaton: Oh, I'm just having fun. Everyone takes Star Wars so seriously, like if the movie's bad it's going to ruin their lives.
Raj: Is it bad? Did you hear something? Oh my God, it's bad. Somebody kill me!

Wil Wheaton: See, that's what I mean. When you wake up in the morning, whether this is the greatest movie ever or a total piece of crap, your life isn't going to change at all.
Howard: He's right.
Leonard: Yeah. No matter what happens, we're coming back tomorrow to watch it again.

Penny: Well, I'm going to stay positive. I told him what women liked and, after he stopped giggling, he seemed pretty sure of himself.

Amy: Thanks for taking me out.
Penny: Well, you're spending your birthday with Sheldon. Why not celebrate early?
Bernadette: So, where do you wanna go?
Amy: I hear that new Mexican place on Green St. is good.
Penny: Sure, sure. Or, we could take you to get a bikini wax.
Amy: Why would I get a bikini wax for my birthday?
Penny: Oh, I don't know. It was just a thought.
Amy: I think I'll just stick to Mexican.

Sheldon: Thank you, Arthur. You are the wisest of the wise.
Professor Proton: Well, that's very nice of you to say, but I think I'm just an expression of your unconscious mind.
Sheldon: Oh, sure. Well, you're fun to look at.

Bernadette: Do you think Sheldon's actually going to go through with it?
Penny: I don't know. He said he's ready.
Bernadette: Yeah, but he also swore this was the year he'd be able to pull the guts out of a pumpkin.

Raj: Good for Sheldon, deciding to stay with Amy on her birthday.
Leonard: I know. It's still gonna be weird to see the movie without him.
Howard: We could wait a couple of days and see it together.
*All three laughing*

Stuart: Fine, take Wil. See if he brings you clam chowder.