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‘The Monetary Insufficiency’ Quotes

The Big Bang Theory: The Monetary Insufficiency

1122. The Monetary Insufficiency

Aired April 26, 2018

Sheldon goes to Vegas to win money for science. Also, Penny and Bernadette take Amy wedding dress shopping, but her terrible choice entangles them in a web of lies.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Wow! You look beautiful.
Amy: Really? 'Cause I was gonna return it.
Sheldon: Why would you return it? You look like a pile of swans.

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Quote from Sheldon

Penny: What if you asked for $20 million?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I'm trying to do science, not hire Lady Gaga to come to my birthday.
Penny: Do you even know who Lady Gaga is?
Sheldon: Presumably, the wife of Lord Gaga.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So with this level of high-power laser array, we would actually be able to solve the black hole information paradox once and for all.
President Siebert: That's impressive, and how much funding were you looking for?
Sheldon: $20 million.
President Siebert: Really? You think you can build that for $20 million?
Sheldon: Not a chance.
President Siebert: I'm sorry, then why are you asking me for it?
Sheldon: Because once you've spent $20 million, you're much more likely to give me an additional 50.
President Siebert: So actually, what you're saying is with $70 million, you can build this.
Sheldon: I can see why you'd think that, but no. You can't go to the board of trustees and say you gave Sheldon Cooper $70 million and have nothing to show for it. No, the only way you'd be able to save face is to double down.
President Siebert: So 140?
Sheldon: And then double again.
President Siebert: 280?
Sheldon: And then - good news - not quite double again. So, uh, what do you say? We have a deal?

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Well, do you know how that makes me look?
Bernadette: Uh, that's an easy one: bad.
Penny: Well, why didn't you tell her that you didn't like the dress, either? I mean, what happened to our united front?
Bernadette: I'm sorry. Is this your first day being a girl?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: This is it.
Pit Boss: Is everything okay, sir?
Sheldon: Oh. Hi. It's better than okay. I am a physicist, and I have been observing this wheel for hours and running a chi-square analysis, which is how I know that the ball is far more likely to land on 32, 17 or five. So if you could hold off on replacing this wheel, I'd like to make several large bets.
Pit Boss: Well, good for you. Pelican.
Sheldon: What's pelican?
Pit Boss: Sir, would you come with us?
Sheldon: Oh, no. I have to place my bet first. This is for science. [carried away by security]
Croupier: 17 black.
Sheldon: No! No!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: But I need it. It's the only way to settle the contradictions between gravity and quantum mechanics.
Penny: Well, it's too much money, you can't ask for that all at once.
Sheldon: Well, what if I ask for it in six easy installments of $83,333,333.33?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Boy, you know, when Sheldon sees you in that dress, he's gonna want to methodically take it off, fold it up, carefully place it in a storage box, label it, and then ravish you.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: And look at the cool incentives I'm offering.
Leonard: "For $50,000, I will examine your diet and create a customized bathroom schedule." That's fitting, 50 grand down the toilet.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, how about this? For $100,000, I will design the flag of your house or apartment. And for $1 million, I will come over and tell you what's wrong with you.
Leonard: Aw, and all these years, I've been getting that for free.
Sheldon: Don't be smug, Leonard. That's one of the things that's wrong with you.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Sheldon, you know, Penny's got a point. Sometimes when you want something big from someone, you-you got to be careful not to scare them away, you know? You got to start small and-and build up slowly, even if it takes eight years. Eight long years.
Sheldon: That's oddly specific. Have you ever done that?
Amy: Nope.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: This is just to give you ideas. You know, do-do you want something simple and elegant? I mean, do you want a train?
Sheldon: [entering the apartment] Ooh, we're talking about trains.
Amy: Not the kind of trains you like.
Sheldon: Oh, I like all kinds of trains: steam, diesel, coal, elevated, bullet. I defy you to name a train that I don't like.
Penny: The kind on the back of a wedding dress?
Sheldon: I did not see that coming. Good job.

Quote from Penny

Amy: How much money are you asking for?
Sheldon: $500 million.
Penny: Then I'd go no bra.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Sheldon, they're not gonna give you half a billion dollars. I mean, they won't even give me that much and I keep promising I can make people's brains "grow younger".
Penny: Can you?
Amy: (whispering) No. Shh.

Quote from Bernadette

Hostess: Would you like some champagne?
Bernadette: Oh, thank you.
Penny: Thanks.
Hostess: Sure.
Bernadette: This is nice.
Penny: What? Helping Amy find a dress or day drinking?
Bernadette: It's just nice, okay?

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Amy, oh, my God.
Bernadette: You look so beautiful.
Amy: I feel beautiful. And look, both clavicles. Take that, Mom.
Bernadette: You know what they say: if you got 'em, flaunt 'em.

Quote from Penny

Amy: Is it possible that the very first dress is the dress?
Penny: Oh, don't be silly. You can't buy the first dress you try on. That'd be like marrying the first guy that you- You can't buy the first dress you try on.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Uh, guys, we have a problem.
Penny: Are you okay?
Bernadette: What's wrong?
Amy: I look amazing in all of these dresses!
Bernadette: Wow. Look at your waist. Where you been hiding that thing?
Amy: (giggles) Bernadette, stop. Penny, you say something nice now.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Hi.
Sheldon: Are you doing anything?
Leonard: No. I'm just sitting here at my desk typing on my computer for nothing.
Sheldon: That was my guess, but I didn't want to assume.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Should we say something?
Bernadette: No, we can't.
Penny: But don't you think she brought us with her 'cause she wants our honest opinion?
Bernadette: No one wants that.
Penny: I do.
Bernadette: No, ya don't.
Penny: I don't want her to look back and think she made some awful mistake.
Bernadette: You mean like your dumb Cookie Monster tattoo? See? Was that fun?

Quote from Stuart

Sheldon: Hey, Stuart, I'd like to sell some comic books.
Stuart: Oh. Well, I know all about that. Step one is flunk out of art school.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: How much do you need?
Sheldon: For a start, I'm trying to raise $500,000.
Stuart: Well, I hope you have that rare Superman printed on the skin of actual Superman.

Quote from Sheldon

Stuart: All right, let's see what you got. Huh. Is this a complete run of Todd McFarlane's Spawn?
Sheldon: (gasps loudly) Yes.
Stuart: Ooh, look at this. Giant-Size X-Men number one, Len Wein's relaunch of the franchise.
Sheldon: Yeah. I know what it is. I'm the one who bought it, bagged it, boarded it and taped it shut while wearing white cotton gloves.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Oh, did your mom pack your lunch?
Sheldon: (chuckles) Of course not. Do you know how much it costs to pack a tuna fish sandwich in dry ice and overnight it from Texas? Well, I do, and my mother says it's too expensive.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I like tuna fish.
Sheldon: Do you want it? I'll sell it to you for $5,000.
Leonard: How's the fundraising going?
Sheldon: Oh, that depends. Raj, was that a "yes"?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: It's going badly.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Ordinary people can't beat a casino, but mathematicians and scientists, they do it all the time. Yeah, a group of students from MIT took Las Vegas for millions, and that's MIT. Howard went there.
Howard: Come on, Sheldon. I'll give you a ride out to the desert right now.
Leonard: No one is going to Vegas.
Howard: No, we weren't gonna make it to Vegas.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Anyway, who cares what I think?
Amy: I do. You're the-the coolest, prettiest, best-dressed person in my life.
Penny: Okay, that would be flattering, except I know all the people in your life.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Anyone seen Sheldon?
Leonard: Last time I saw Sheldon was this morning.
Howard: Careful. Don't say his name a third time.


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