TV Quotes

Raj: How old is this Jell-O?
Stuart: Well, it's carrots, so I'm gonna say very.

Beverly Hofstadter: Come to Mommy.
Penny: It's okay. Go ahead. *Leonard hugs Beverly*
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, my son.
Leonard: Oh, my mother.
Penny: Oh, my God.

Bernadette: Okay, I don't know when I became the mother to three lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning the kitchen top to bottom.
Raj: Hey, I don't even live here.
Bernadette: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?
Raj: I do. And some of it's wool, so dry flat if possible.

Penny: Leonard, what time does your mom's plane get in?
Leonard: I don't know. Sometime tomorrow morning.
Penny: Don't you want to know for sure?
Leonard: No need to. As soon as she flies into California airspace, I'll feel a disturbance in the Force.

Amy: Do you think the moms will get along?
Leonard: I don't know. They're pretty different.
Sheldon: Maybe they'll be best friends. One of them is brilliant, one is sweet and simple.
*to Leonard*
Sound familiar?

Penny: You know, your mom's never been too thrilled with our relationship. Maybe I should get her something so she warms up to me.
Leonard: If you could run out and get a PhD, that might make her like you.
Penny: Really? It didn't work for you.

Leonard: So, Mom, you haven't seen Penny since we got engaged.
Penny: Yeah, let me show you the ring.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, lovely. Must have been very expensive.
Sheldon: Oh, no, not at all. No, we found a place online that repurposes diamond drill bits.
Leonard: We did not. That's not true. Can I speak to you alone for a second?
Sheldon: Oh, sure.
Leonard: It came from Tiffany's.
Sheldon: You mean the box, right?
Leonard: Keep walking!

Leonard: Even with your mother here, you are deliberately hogging all the attention from my mom. You're like one of those elephant seal pups that steals the milk from two mothers!
Sheldon: Do you mean what marine biologists refer to as "super weaning"?
Leonard: Yes, you are a super weaner!

Beverly Hofstadter: His name is Sigmund Freud.
Penny: Hey! Look at that. You both believe in Jewish bearded guys.
Mary Cooper: Stay out of this.
Penny: Uh-huh.

Amy: Sure, his mom gets roses. When I want them, they're a "bouquet of severed plant genitals."
Sheldon: You act like I didn't get you that mushroom log on Valentine's Day.
Amy: He's right. Roses die, but a moist rotting log will pump out mushrooms for two or three magical years.

Beverly Hofstadter: I read your paper. It was very impressive.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you.
Leonard: We just spent two hours in traffic. Did you think to mention to me that you liked our paper?
Beverly Hofstadter: Of course I did, but it's a mother's job to make sure her child's self-esteem is not dependent on anyone's approval.
Leonard: That's so sweet, you think I have self-esteem.

Mary Cooper: How was your flight?
Beverly Hofstadter: Very pleasant. And yours?
Mary Cooper: Lovely. Almost as if someone - not saying who - was watching over the plane.
Beverly Hofstadter: You're kidding, right?
Leonard: Subtle, mom, real subtle.

Beverly Hofstadter: Mary, I'm curious. When did you first realize that your son had such a remarkable mind?
Sheldon: Ooh, good question. Everyone loves stories about Sheldon Cooper, boy genius.

Beverly Hofstadter: Sounds like Sheldon was a handful.
Mary Cooper: Oh, he was a handful.
Sheldon: I was a handful.
Leonard: You still are.

Bernadette: Guys. In the time you've been sitting here playing video games, I got the car washed, picked up cleaning supplies and went to the bank.
Stuart: I put on pants.
Howard: Kiss-ass.

Mary Cooper: Shelly does not like change.
Sheldon: True. But all the clenching in the world will not keep testicles in your abdomen.

Stuart: Bernadette's not wrong. She does work hard around here.
Raj: Yeah, maybe it's a good thing if she stops babying you so much.
Howard: She doesn't baby me.
Stuart: I saw her pull you home in a wagon.
Howard: For your information, I twisted my ankle chasing the ice cream truck.

Beverly Hofstadter: I'm terribly sorry that I upset your mother.
Sheldon: Oh, it's all right. She'll forgive you. She has to or she goes to hell.

Sheldon: Well, now I have to correct you. As a bit of an elephant seal buff, the more accurate comparison would be when two mother seals actively seek to nourish the same pup. So I believe the term you're looking for is a double mother suckler
Leonard: Yeah, you're right. That is the term I'm looking for. You are a dirty double mother suckler!
Sheldon: Okay, well, now that we have the terminology straightened out, how dare you?

Sheldon: It's not my fault your mother likes me better than she does you.
Leonard: Oh, don't flatter yourself. She likes everybody better than she likes me.

Sheldon: But still, you need to consider how successful Leonard's brother and sister are.
Beverly Hofstadter: I suppose.
Sheldon: While my brother and sister are mouth-breathing idiots.

Beverly Hofstadter: Do you suppose you would have flourished more in a more reward-based environment?
Sheldon: Perhaps. But my mom made me spaghetti with chopped up hot dogs whenever I wanted, so who cares.

Penny: Yeah, and you certainly don't have to earn my love.
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: Of course you already knew that when you bought me this princess-cut drill bit.

Amy: It's so nice both of your moms are coming in to see you guys get an award.
Sheldon: Well, my mother's been there for every honor I've won since I beat out my twin sister for the Did It on the Potty trophy.

Stuart: Morning.
Bernadette: We talked about this. I don't mind you still living here, but we got to have some rules. And rule number one is pants.
Howard: Hey. *enters wearing boxer shorts*

Mary Cooper: Hey, who's in the mood for spaghetti and hot dogs?
Leonard: Oh me.
Penny: Yeah, me too.
Mary Cooper: Coming up.
Leonard: I don't really feel I deserve it.