TV Quotes

Raj: Sounds like someone's in there.
Bernadette: My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?
Howard: Or worse, what if they're back early?

Penny: You know, you compared us to the strangest couple we know, and we know Amy and Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his twitchy little dog.

Amy: How's this for a compromise? Make all the schedules you want, just don't tell me about them.
Sheldon: Excellent. I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule.
Yeah, and do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?
Amy: Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
Sheldon: Come with me.
Amy: Where are we going?
Sheldon: To the hotel room. And when we get there, I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked.

Sheldon: Good morning, wife.
Amy: Good morning, husband. I can't believe we're actually married.
Sheldon: It's official. According to tradition, we should hang the bedsheets outside so the villagers can see that we consummated.
Amy: I don't think that that's appropriate, considering where we're starting our honeymoon.
Sheldon: Well, I suppose you're right. Although, when you think about it, Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress. Two pieces that interlock with a satisfying snap.
Amy: Oh, that's the sound you were making.

Raj: Now it's happening to me. Ooh, I should probably make a list of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.
Penny: You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie?
Raj: Hey, your husband's the one who took me.
Leonard: Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.

Howard: That was weird, right?
Leonard: Was it? I honestly can't tell anymore.

Amy: Really, Sheldon? You want to do it again?
Sheldon: Don't act surprised. It's clearly marked on the schedule. Now, shall we steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes, or make vigorous, socially sanctioned love? Either way, I can check something off my to-do list.
Amy: [reading Sheldon's to-do list on his phone] Socially sanc-- Oh, wow. Yeah, there it is right there.

Leonard: Uh, hurry. Raj is on next.
Penny: All right. I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries but they'll show this.
Leonard: This is the news.
Penny: And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires. What is your point?

Mrs. Fowler: Larry? I know you're in there!
Penny: Is that Amy's mom?
Mrs. Fowler: Let me in. (shouting) Let me in!
Leonard: Either that or the Big Bad Wolf.

Amy: You know, I'm a little jet-laggy. Maybe we can revisit this in the morning.
Sheldon: Oh, no can do. If we miss tonight, it's not scheduled until Thursday at 6:00. And that'll have to be "no frills," 'cause we've got a 6:30 reservation at Benihana.

Amy: Really? Would it be so bad to mix it up a little?
Sheldon: Mix it up? Who are you, Betty Crocker?

Leonard: Poor Mr. Fowler, I really feel sorry for the little guy.
Penny: I know. After they had Amy, she should've just eaten him and been done with it.
Leonard: Look at you retaining facts from a nature show.

Tour Guide: And here we have the former hotel where Tesla perfected the three-phase alternating current motor.
Sheldon: That's wrong. I'm gonna say something.
Amy: Don't.
Sheldon: Well, then how will everyone know I'm the smartest boy here?

Sheldon: I brought you two hot dogs.
Amy: Aren't you gonna eat one?
Sheldon: From a street cart? Are you crazy? I'm amazed that I'm holding them.

Sheldon: You realize that I'm not a particularly physical person.
Amy: I know.
Sheldon: When I was little, and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd always say, "A brain in a jar."
Amy: Sure.

Sheldon: I'm just worried that if I don't schedule our bedroom endeavors, then I may not think about them, and you'll grow cold and distant and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled longshoreman.
Amy: Where would I find a longshoreman?
Sheldon: Along the shore. It's in the name.

Amy: Sheldon, I could never be with anybody but you.
Sheldon: That's good to know. I wouldn't want to fight a man who's brave enough to touch a fish.