Tam: Spending the Thanksgiving weekend working in my family's convenience store, I observed my father and mother working from 6:00 in the morning till 10:00 at night. My hypothesis was that economic advancement for immigrant families is more important than celebrating a holiday where people eat until they pass out in front of the TV.
Mr. Givens: All right, Tam. Well, based on your observations and hypothesis, were you able to make a prediction?
Tam: Yes. At some point, my father would die prematurely from stress. And my mother will come live with me, where she will constantly disapprove of my hot, blonde, American wife.
Mr. Givens: Okay. Uh, I think we all learned something there. Uh, thank you, Tam.

Adult Sheldon: In tenth grade, high school students are presented with picking a class of their own choosing. This is called an elective. Courses on offer included wood shop, I'm happy with ten fingers, thank you; introduction to agriculture, I think you know the answer to that; wrestling, I'd rather milk that cow. All of which led me to the elective I reluctantly chose, Psychology 101, an investigation into why people think and feel the way they do.

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, my, I don't know where to begin. Well, first of all, I'm thankful to you, Connie, for how you make me laugh, make me feel cared for, all the ways you're affectionate to me that I can't discuss in-in front of children because that would be inappropriate, right?
Meemaw: Right.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I'm thankful to be here with your wonderful family. This is something I didn't experience growing up. See, my father was away a great deal on business and it was just me and my mother and she was a cold and distant woman who blamed the world for her club foot.
Meemaw: Sweetie.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I-
Meemaw: Wrap it up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sorry. My gratitude knows no bounds.

Dr. John Sturgis: Difficult day.
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: Psychology? Is that a new interest of yours?
Sheldon: It was either this or milking cows.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. I once was licked by a cow. You made the right choice.

Sheldon: Well, I was supposed to observe family dynamics over Thanksgiving for my hypothesis, then make a prediction.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. All right. So, um, what did you observe?
Sheldon: My mom and dad arguing over moving to Oklahoma for my dad's job.
Dr. John Sturgis: I would concur with that observation. Now, can you form a hypothesis based on that?
Sheldon: Well, their marriage is a zero sum game. What's good for my father isn't good for my mother and vice versa.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent. And your prediction?
Sheldon: Well, based on previous arguments I've observed, my father will try to reassert his dominance by making a meaningless symbolic gesture.
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? That seems a bit of a stretch. [George pulls up in a red Fiero with REO Speedwagon's "Take it on the Run" blaring] I will never question you again.

George Sr.: Hey, Georgie, you have any sentimental attachment to this town?
George Jr.: I don't know, why?
George Sr.: I'm just curious if, you know, we ever did pick up and live somewhere else, how you'd feel about it.
George Jr.: Well, if it was Hawaii, I'd feel pretty great. That's where they make Magnum, P.I.
George Sr.: I don't think Hawaii's in the cards.
George Jr.: How about Miami?
George Sr.: Let me guess, 'cause of Miami Vice?
George Jr.: Golden Girls.
George Sr.: Course.
Sheldon: Car.
George Jr.: I saw this one where Blanche dates this little guy who breaks up with her 'cause she's not Jewish. So good.
George Sr.: Forget about Miami and Hawaii and Blanche.

George Sr.: Hey, listen, something came up today that we need to talk about.
Mary: What's that?
George Sr.: I maybe have a shot at a better job.
Mary: Oh, George, they're finally gonna make you head coach?
George Sr.: Better than that. Special Teams Coach, University of Tulsa.
Mary: In Oklahoma?
George Sr.: That is where they're keeping Tulsa these days.

Sheldon: Beginning on Wednesday night, I observed my parents arguing over the possibility of us moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Mr. Givens: Ugh, Oklahoma.
Sheldon: The argument escalated and then my father stormed out and bought a Fiero.
[voice breaks] And then I went to my Meemaw's and slept in my underwear. [sobbing, Sheldon drops his paper and runs out of class]
Mr. Givens: That's it. I've wasted my life.

Sheldon: Are we sleeping there? Do I need to bring pajamas?
George Jr.: Just sleep in your underwear.
Sheldon: In my underwear? I hardly think so.

Mary: What are you doing?
George Jr.: Having coffee.
Mary: Uh, no, not in my house.
George Jr.: Oh, come on, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
Mary: Put it down.
George Jr.: I can't drink coffee, I can't chew tobacco, is there anything I can do?
Mary: Yeah, quit talking.

Sheldon: Notes for psychology paper.
Missy: What you doing?
Sheldon: Shh. Family conflict has been observed. Subject M and Subject D have opposing views on relocating.
Missy: You better not be recording over my Janet Jackson tape.
Sheldon: Would you please?
Missy: Who's Subject M and Subject D?
Sheldon: I can't tell you that, you might skew the results.
Missy: Okay, then tell me what skew means.
Sheldon: Are you going to talk the whole time?
Missy: It seems to be annoying you, so, yeah.

Mary: You kids excited to go back to school?
Sheldon: Of course I am.
Missy: He doesn't speak for me.

Adult Sheldon: : As we sat in silence, I had a horrible realization. For the first time in my life, I didn't look forward to doing my homework.

Meemaw: You want to tell me what happened?
Sheldon: Instead of remaining a neutral observer, I got emotional in front of the whole class.
Meemaw: Well, that's not a big deal.
Sheldon: Yes, it is. I'm a scientist. You never hear about Newton crying like a baby when he got brutalized by an apple.

Meemaw: I think you're being a little tough on yourself.
Sheldon: I wonder why this is affecting me so much.
Meemaw: Well, maybe it has something to do with your parents arguing.
Sheldon: Us moving? I don't think so. Texas, Oklahoma what's the difference?
Meemaw: Hey, now, I think you might want to crack open your psychology textbook 'cause that there is crazy talk.

Mary: Shelly?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Mom, but if I answer that question, I'd be violating my experimental protocol.
Mary: Okay, moving on.

Mary: Georgie?
George Jr.: Um, I'm thankful for my job at the auto shop. Uh, let's see- Oh, Alyssa Milano from Who's the Boss? She's really hot. That's about it.
Mary: That's wonderful.

Mary: Missy?
Missy: I'm thankful that there's two different Ghostbuster cartoons.
Meemaw: That's it?
Missy: Unless you know about a third one.

Sheldon: I did read a chapter on repressing emotions. I suppose I could've been doing that to avoid dealing with the fear of change, and moving would certainly be a big change.
Meemaw: That's very astute.
Sheldon: I'd have a new room, in a new house, and the new house would probably have a different smell, and I probably wouldn't like that smell because I don't like new smells, and I'd be going to a new school with new kids and new teachers, and I bet they'd all smell different, as well.
Meemaw: Okay, now calm down.
Sheldon: That's easy for you to say. Your olfactory senses aren't about to be assaulted by the state of Oklahoma.

George Sr.: Hey, so listen, how attached are you to living here in Medford?
Missy: I don't know what that means.
George Sr.: If we moved away, do you have really good friends that you'd miss a lot?
Missy: I have really good friends, but I think they would mostly miss me.
George Sr.: 'Cause you make friends wherever you go.
Missy: I do. People are drawn to me.

Missy: Don't be scared, Sheldon, it's just a parade.
Sheldon: I already don't like dogs. Gigantic and floating does not help.

Mary: During dinner, maybe you could express how devastating it would be to be away from the kids.
Meemaw: Well, I don't think I'd use the word "devastating." That doesn't sound like me.
Mary: Okay, well, use whatever word you want.
Meemaw: I might use "heartbroken."
Mary: Good, use that.
Meemaw: Yeah, maybe. Have you got a thesaurus?

Mary: Would you please listen to me? If we move up there, other than holidays, you're not gonna see your grandkids.
Meemaw: Oh, that's a point. You make it sound like a Sophie's Choice kind of deal.

Meemaw: What's up?
Mary: George is up for a coaching job at the University of Tulsa.
Meemaw: Tulsa? Ugh. Last year, I lost $800 on that damn team.
Mary: I'm sorry to hear that.
Meemaw: I'm fine with most of the Division I stuff, but these independent teams, I j- I just can't seem to get a handle on it. You think if George got that job he might give me an inside line?
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: Well, I'd cut him in, make it look like a Christmas present.

Mary: Listen, I'm gonna need your help with something.
Meemaw: Is it about money?
Mary: No.
Meemaw: Then I'm your gal.

Sheldon: Subject D is attempting to influence Subject G regarding relocating.
George Sr.: What about you, Sheldon?
Sheldon: What about me what?
George Sr.: Could you ever see yourself leaving Medford?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm unable to express an opinion at this time.
George Sr.: Why not?
Sheldon: In the interest of science, I have to remain a neutral observer.
George Sr.: Glad I asked.

Dr. John Sturgis: Mary, I just can't thank you enough for inviting me today.
Mary: You're very welcome, John. Love having you here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Last Thanksgiving, I just sat in my apartment all by myself and ate a turkey sandwich.
Meemaw: That is so sad.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it wasn't at the time, but now that I have something to compare it to, I realize what a pathetic loser I was.
Meemaw: You were never a loser.
Missy: Yeah, you were.

Mr. Givens: All right, with Thanksgiving weekend approaching, it's the perfect opportunity to observe family dynamics and how our parents, relatives and siblings affect us. Now, the-
Sheldon: Yes, Sheldon. I don't find that interesting.
Mr. Givens: Well, tough knuckles, that's the assignment. Now, you'll all be expected to collect data on your family, form a hypothesis, and make a prediction.
Sheldon: So you're giving us homework for Thanksgiving?
Mr. Givens: Yes.
Sheldon: Oh, boy!

Meemaw: Okay, let's try a different approach. Can I take you to get some ice cream?
Sheldon: I'm having an emotional crisis, Meemaw. You can't fix that with ice cream.
Meemaw: Right. Sorry. You want to go to RadioShack?
Sheldon: Yes, I want to go to RadioShack!

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes?
Meemaw: Could we do it just one more time?
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? I don't want you to get tired of it.
Meemaw: I won't. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I can't say no to you.
Meemaw: Fire in the hole. [Mary throws a biscuit and John catches it.] Unbelievable. Again, again.

Sheldon: Where's Dad?
Mary: He went to Oklahoma for that job interview.
Missy: I thought you put your foot down on that one.
Mary: Just keep eating your breakfast.

Meemaw: Everybody's going to Meemaw's. Come on.
Missy: It's not like we haven't heard them fight before.
Meemaw: Just keep moving.

George Sr.: Well, it doesn't matter because you obviously went to your mother and made her your stalking horse.
Meemaw: Of course she went to me. Move to Oklahoma, what's wrong with you?
George Jr.: Wait, we're moving to Oklahoma?
Missy: I thought Texans don't like Oklahoma.
Meemaw: You're damn right we don't.
Dr. John Sturgis: What's wrong with Oklahoma?
Meemaw: I'll tell you later.

Mary: George?
George Sr.: Well, I'm thankful to share Thanksgiving dinner with my family, of course. I'm also thankful for this fine country we live in and all the opportunities it provides us. Especially when those opportunities come once in a lifetime and require taking a small risk and believing in one another.
Mary: We're really gonna do this now?
George Sr.: Hey, you started it with all that school system crap.
Mary: I only did that because you've been trying to twist the kids' heads around.
George Sr.: All right, who talked?
Mary: Who do you think?
George Sr.: Missy.
Missy: Yup.

Meemaw: Okay, my turn. Um, I am so thankful to be able to watch my grandchildren grow up.
And I can't even tell you how much it means to me that y'all live right across the street.
And if y'all weren't, I would just be heartbroken. And not just heartbroken. Crestfallen and chagrined. And, uh, I'm also thankful for my health, that that mole on my hip turned out to be nothing, and, uh, I'm very thankful for John here, who has brought so much happiness to me.
That's it for me.

Mary: I'm thankful to be surrounded by my loving family.
Missy: What about that guy?
Mary: That guy- Dr. Sturgis Is part of our extended family.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mm, thank you.
Mary: And I'm also thankful for this warm and comfy home that God has blessed us with and this great neighborhood with my mom living right across the street, and of course our excellent school system that provides our children with a world-class education.

George Sr.: Very impressive. Not sure how you did it, but that is the least disgusting locker room I've ever been in.

George Sr.: I turned it down.
Mary: Why?
Missy: 'Cause you're afraid of Mom?

Adult Sheldon: As a child, I never understood the sacrifices my father made for his family's happiness, which made me somewhat less compassionate than I should've been.
Sheldon: Yay. We're not moving.

Sheldon: Oh dear, Big Bird.