Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

George Sr.: You mind putting down my kid?
Clint Watson: We were just playing around.
Veronica: This is my mom's boyfriend, Clint.
George Sr.: Hello, Clint. What can we do for you?
Clint Watson: I'm here to pick up Veronica. Come on.
George Sr.: You want to go with this man?
Veronica: No, sir.
George Sr.: You heard her. Thanks for stopping by.
Clint Watson: You really want to mess with me?
George Sr.: Sure. Why not?
[THUDDING OUTSIDE]
Mary: What's going on out there?
George Sr.: You might want to call the police.
Mary: Why?
George Sr.: There's a bum sleeping on our front porch.

Meemaw: John, I've already been married once. I wasn't really planning on ever doing it again.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why not?
Meemaw: I was somebody's wife for a long time. I just like being Connie Tucker now. Not Mrs somebody else's name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what if I took your name? John Tucker, it sounds great. Like a football player or an astronaut.

Veronica: Is there anything else?
Sheldon: There is, but I'm not allowed to ask about it.
Veronica: Oh, it's okay. You can ask me anything.
Sheldon: Oh, good. I don't like cats, but I share their curious nature.

Mary: Oh, Mom. If you're sleeping with the man, you should be married to him.
Meemaw: Why do I come here? I got to find a cooler chick to talk to.

Mary: And while she's here, I expect y'all to be on your best behavior.
George Jr.: Why are you looking at me?
Mary: Was I?
George Jr.: Yeah, and you still are.

Sheldon: Are you wearing cologne?
George Jr.: No.
Sheldon: Georgie, I have the olfactory senses of a polar bear. They can smell a seal through three feet of ice.

Dr. John Sturgis: [recorded message] Greetings. You've reached Dr. John Sturgis. Leave a message and I'll be in touch. Thank you very much. Hey, that rhymed.

George Jr.: I also hung a cross over the bed for you. It's just Popsicle sticks and glitter. I glued it together in Sunday school when I was a kid. [Veronica starts crying] Is-is it too much? I can take it down.
Veronica: [SNIFFLES] No, it's it's really sweet.
Sheldon: Why are you crying? Did Georgie bring up your unfortunate home life?
Veronica: Uh, no.
Sheldon: Good. My mom said not to, so that you would be comfortable.
Veronica: Thank you.
Sheldon: [staring] Are you comfortable?

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm recreating our first date! The same restaurant, the same table, the same jacket. Different eyelashes, though, because they regenerate every two to three months.
Meemaw: Mine are the same, actually. They're fake.

Sheldon: [knock knock knock] Veronica. [knock knock knock] Veronica.
Veronica: Come in. Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
Sheldon: I printed out my bathroom schedule. I can't speak for anyone else in this family, but you can count on it being occupied during these times.
Veronica: Thank you. This is very helpful.
Sheldon: I know.

Sheldon: See? This is the kind of nonsense you have to deal with when you're around kids.
George Sr.: He does have a point.

Sheldon: How was your anniversary date with Dr. Sturgis?
Meemaw: You knew about that?
Sheldon: Yes.
Meemaw: So you knew he was gonna propose?
Sheldon: Propose? No, that's wonderful. Although, it's a little disconcerting he didn't tell me. I thought we were closer than that.

Meemaw: Well, we're not getting married any time soon.
Sheldon: You should. You're old; you don't have many years left.
Meemaw: I really need to meet a whole new group of people.

Sheldon: Mom?
Mary: Yes, honey?
Sheldon: Do I have to sit downwind of Georgie's cologne?

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, will you do me the honor of being my wife?
Meemaw: Oh, John, I don't know.
Dr. John Sturgis: How can you not know? It's a binary decision.
Meemaw: It's more complicated th-than that.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't see why. We're compatible.
Meemaw: [QUIETLY] I know.
Dr. John Sturgis: We enjoy each other's company.
Meemaw: I know.
Dr. John Sturgis: And we've become extremely proficient in the bedroom. There's very little wasted effort.
Meemaw: [QUIETLY] John, sit back down and lower your voice.
Dr. John Sturgis: Little help? Down is easier than up.

Dr. John Sturgis: What's this? "Connie Tucker is proud to announce that she is sweet on Dr.
John Sturgis and they are officially a romantic couple." Oh, boy! I'm back in business!

Mary: You know that Veronica Duncan girl?
George Sr.: The one that Georgie likes?
Mary: Yeah. I was thinking about having her stay here for a couple days.
George Sr.: Is it Georgie's birthday or something?
Mary: No!

George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: Her mother's boyfriend has a drinking problem, and things have been getting out of hand.
George Sr.: You waited till I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?
Mary: You always have a beer.

George Jr.: Here, let me show you around.
Veronica: Oh. O-Okay.
George Jr.: Of course you remember the living room, where we have our prayer group. And this is the dining room. That's where we'll dine. But in the mornings, we dine in the kitchen.
Of course, if you'd like a snack, that'd be in the refrigerator or the pantry. You know, where your snack foods would be.
Veronica: Sure.
George Jr.: Washer, dryer. Plus, we got those little sheets that smell nice and fight static cling. And here's our entertainment room.
Veronica: Hey, guys.
Missy: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
George Jr.: We don't have cable, but we do have all three major broadcast networks. Here's the bathroom, for hygiene and whatnot. And here's where you'll be sleeping.
Veronica: Did I take your room?
George Jr.: Yes, but I'll be on the couch. Which is right near the TV and the kitchen, so I'm peachy.

Missy: Please, can we keep her?
Mary: No, we cannot keep her.
Missy: We don't have a dog 'cause of Sheldon, why can't I have Veronica?
Mary: I'm not participating in this conversation.
Missy: We could give Sheldon to Veronica's mom. Like a trade.

George Jr.: Be the Danza. Be the Zanda.

Mary: So good news. We're gonna have a houseguest for a couple days.
George Jr.: Oh, not Aunt Ruth.
Sheldon: Her beard is very scratchy.
George Sr.: My sister doesn't have a beard.
Missy: Did she shave it?

Richard Simmons: [on the TV] Let's sweat!
Meemaw: I plan on it, Richard.

[After Georgie boxes up his dirty magazines and takes them to the garage]
Sheldon: What's in there?
George Jr.: Don't open it.
Sheldon: But what's in there?
George Jr.: Don't open it.

[As Georgie vacuums his bedroom]
George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Documenting. This may never happen again.

Sheldon: He's exhibiting Zahavian signaling theory.
Missy: Is that from Star Trek?
Sheldon: No, biology. He's trying to communicate his more desirable qualities in order to attract Veronica.
Missy: Too bad he doesn't have any desirable qualities.

Mary: You know I'm right.
Meemaw: I know no such thing. It's my life, I don't have to do anything 'cause I'm "supposed to." I do it because I want to, and right now, I don't want to, end of story.

George Jr.: Uh, maybe when you're done, we can go down to the mall and hang out.
Veronica: Oh, I promised your sister I'd take her out for some girl time.
George Jr.: Maybe I can come along.
Veronica: Then it wouldn't be girl time.
George Jr.: No, not entirely, but it would be mostly.
Missy: Take a hint, dummy.

Missy: Maybe, if we make a wish at the same time we could switch places.
Veronica: You think?
Missy: It's worth a try.
Veronica: Okay. What do we need to do?
Missy: We close our eyes and at the exact same time say, "I wish I could switch places."
Veronica: Ready? One, two, three.
Both: I wish I could switch places. Well?
Missy: I'm still here. You?
Veronica: Same.
Missy: That's too bad. I really wanted to drive home. Can I anyway?
Veronica: Sure.
Missy: Really?
Veronica: No.

George Jr.: Hey, what you doin'?
Veronica: Helping your mom with laundry.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. That's usually my job.

Veronica: Sorry, I know this isn't the most fun thing in the world.
Missy: I was happy just riding in the front seat of your car.

Missy: You probably hear this a lot, but you're, like, princess pretty.
Veronica: Oh. I don't know about that. But you are definitely princess material.
Missy: Well, until I'm allowed to wear makeup, this is as hot as I get.
Veronica: You don't need makeup.
Missy: I hope you're right. Mom says I have to wait till I'm 16.
Veronica: Mm. That'll get here sooner than you think.
Missy: Sure doesn't feel like it.
Veronica: Don't be in a rush. Honestly, I'd rather be your age again.
Missy: Really?
Veronica: Yeah. Being a grown-up is, uh complicated.

Mary: Thank you, God, for this food we're about to receive, and for the nourishment of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it. And an extra special thank-you for allowing us to share our home with our friend Veronica.
All: Amen.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. That's a big amen on that one.

Veronica: What do you want to know?
Sheldon: Your mom has a boyfriend.
Veronica: Yeah.
Sheldon: Where is your father?
Veronica: I don't know.
Sheldon: Why do you not know?
Veronica: Well, he left when I was really young and I never heard from him again.
Sheldon: And why are you staying here?
Veronica: My mom's boyfriend isn't very nice.
Sheldon: I understand. My sister isn't very nice.
Veronica: [CHUCKLES] So you get it?
Sheldon: I do, thank you.
Veronica: Okay, well, talk to you later.
Sheldon: But not between 7:00 and 7:12.
Veronica: Yup, I see it right here.

Meemaw: Are we good?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes. But if I should pre-decease you I want you to have the ring.
Meemaw: Fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: It'll be in the top right corner of my dresser drawer.
Meemaw: Got it.
Dr. John Sturgis: [CRYING] Under my tube socks.

Dr. John Sturgis: I just think it's important for people to know that we're an official couple.
Meemaw: We don't have to be married for that. Buy a billboard, take an ad out in the paper.

Missy: You're so tall and pretty, you should be Vanna White.
George Jr.: How can she be Vanna White? Vanna White is Vanna White.
Missy: Fine. She can be Vanna Blue.

George Sr.: So, Veronica, I understand that you're a junior?
Veronica: Mm. Yes, sir.
Mary: Do you have any plans for after high school?
Veronica: I'm hoping for a scholarship to Baylor so I can get a teaching degree.
Mary: Mm.
Veronica: I like kids. [CHUCKLES]
Sheldon: Really? Kids? Ugh.

Adult Sheldon: Living in a small Texas town, a few things are guaranteed: Someone nearby will have chickens. Everyone will know your business. But on the brighter side, in a small Texas town, people take care of each other.

Dr. John Sturgis: Which leads me to the final surprise of the evening.
Meemaw: What are you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hang on, I don't want to spoil the surprise.
Meemaw: Getting down on one knee, it makes it pretty damn clear.
Dr. John Sturgis: Surprise!

Meemaw: And I remember how cute you looked in your little pearl snap shirt with your bolo tie.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I'd say it wasn't my first rodeo, but it was.
Meemaw: Thank you for a wonderful year.
Dr. John Sturgis: To many more.
Meemaw: To many more.

George Jr.: I emptied out this drawer so you can put your stuff away.
Veronica: Where are your clothes?
George Jr.: I threw most of them out.
Veronica: You didn't have to do that.
George Jr.: It's okay. They were old and full of holes. And it worked out great. I found some firecrackers and a bag full of my baby teeth.

Dr. John Sturgis: I wanted this night to be special because it's the one-year anniversary of that date.
Meemaw: Is that a thing that people our age celebrate?
Dr. John Sturgis: No idea. I've never been this age before. And I've never dated anyone for a whole year.

Meemaw: What's going on?
Dr. John Sturgis: Don't you remember?
Meemaw: John, I don't even remember where I just parked.

George Jr.: Hey, Veronica. Let me take your bag.
Veronica: Hi.
Mary: Are you wearing Old Spice?
George Jr.: Don't worry about it.

Sheldon: Why is she staying with us?
Mary: Because she needs to be out of her house for a few days.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Because her family is dealing with some personal business.
Sheldon: What personal business?
Missy: Well I heard her mama's boyfriend is a drunk.
George Sr.: Where did you hear that?
Missy: Mom told you outside and I heard it.

Coach Wilkins: You sure you want to eat that?
George Sr.: [mouth full] Why not?
Coach Wilkins: I heard your triglycerides are through the roof.
George Sr.: Who told you that?
Coach Wilkins: My brother plays poker with your doctor.