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‘A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony’ Quotes

Young Sheldon: A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony

311. A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony

Aired January 9, 2020

George Sr. and Meemaw struggle to manage the Cooper household while Mary plans Pastor Jeff's wedding.

Quote from Sheldon

Pastor Jeff: Actually, Mary, can I speak to you for a sec?
Mary: Sure. Um, I'll be right there.
Meemaw: Yeah, make it quick. I don't want to miss kickoff.
Sheldon: [groans] Church and football? At least 60 Minutes is on tonight.

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Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] Many inventions changed people's lives for the better: the light bulb, the polio vaccine, and one that doesn't get enough credit, the home video cassette recorder. It didn't help keep people out of wheelchairs, but it did keep me from missing Star Trek.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Georgie, why are there bathing suit ladies where Captain Picard should be? Georgie!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: The television station's in Houston. Drive me there. I'm sure they have a copy of it.
George Sr.: [chuckles] I'm not driving to Houston.
Sheldon: Well, then, I should warn you, I am very unhappy.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: In fact, I am peeved.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: I would slam this door right now, but it would startle me, so just imagine I did.
George Sr.: Okay.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] None of my friends had recorded the episode. I called Tam. I called Dr. Sturgis. Those were all my friends.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] Fortunately, having a modem granted me access to an even better kind of friend: the kind you don't have to see or talk to.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Why would you bring that pecking poop machine into our home?
Missy: To save her life.
Sheldon: What about my life?
Missy: She's not trying to kill you.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah? Then why was there hate in her eyes?
Missy: That's how everybody looks at you.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Come on, and bring that bucket of chicken out of there.
Missy: [o.s.] No, we're not eating it. What if it was Matilda's friend?
Meemaw: Honey, that one's from Kentucky. They didn't know each other.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: Done. I made 'em sit on the floor.
Meemaw: Smart. Nobody ever got pregnant on the floor. Have you had the talk with that boy?
George Sr.: Of course.
Meemaw: Really? What'd you say?
George Sr.: You know, the stuff you know, a father says when he has a talk with his son.
Meemaw: Good Lord. Did you tell him about protection?
George Sr.: Oh, come on, Connie.
Meemaw: Well, it's important. What if he knocks that poor girl up and ruins her life?
George Sr.: Is that a swipe at me?
Meemaw: Well, it depends. Did you knock up my daughter and ruin her life? Wait. I know the answer.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I have a bone to pick with you, sir.
George Jr.: What'd I do?
Sheldon: You taped over my Star Trek episode.
George Jr.: So?
Sheldon: So, now I may never get to see it. What if it was a two-parter? I can't start a two-parter on part two. That's madness.

Quote from Sheldon

Jana: I think I'm gonna go.
George Jr.: Okay.
Sheldon: Hola, senorita. She's in my Spanish class.
Jana: I'll call you later.
Sheldon: Te veo manana en la clase de espanol.
Jana: What?
Sheldon: That means, "See you tomorrow in Spanish class." I was going to ask how you thought you did on Friday's quiz, but I'm guessing the answer is no bueno. Adios.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: Georgie, we need to talk.
George Jr.: What now?
George Sr.: You're of an age where your body has urges.
George Jr.: Oh, my God!
Meemaw: Georgie, you need to hear this.
George Jr.: From both of you?
George Sr.: W-Well, who do you want to hear it from?
George Jr.: No one. But if I got to pick, I guess you.
Meemaw: Good choice. Don't forget to tell him about venereal disease.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: What's going on here?
Sheldon: Wesley Crusher was just accepted into Starfleet Academy, and for his final mission, he's accompanying Picard on a shuttle mission to Pentarus Five.
Meemaw: No. I mean who's your friend?
Sheldon: Oh, he's not a friend. He's a stranger. I met him on a Star Trek bulletin board. He had a copy of the episode Georgie taped over and brought it here.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: And I know your mom would want me to tell you to wait till marriage, but I also know you're probably not going to.
George Jr.: Did you?
George Sr.: The important thing is that when you're with a girl... [Georgie scoffs] You know how when we're running practice drills and we wear protection so both people are safe?
George Jr.: Yeah.
George Sr.: Well, there you go.
George Jr.: What?
George Sr.: Same thing, but with your privates.
George Jr.: Please leave.
George Sr.: Thank you.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: No tongue. Oh, there it is.
Missy: Where are they going in such a hurry?
Sheldon: Probably to unwrap their presents.
Meemaw: Something's getting unwrapped.
Sheldon: Told you.


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