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‘A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board’ Quotes

Young Sheldon: A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board

302. A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board

Aired October 3, 2019

Without Dr. Sturgis' university class, Sheldon must find a new way to stay academically challenged. Also, Mary helps Pastor Jeff avoid temptation with his girlfriend.

Quote from Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Since I no longer had a college class with Dr. Sturgis to stoke my intellectual fire, I needed to find someone else who was up to the task of being my mentor. A great mind. A once-in-a-generation thinker. Fortunately, my schedule was wide open.
Sheldon: School's in session.

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Quote from Mary

Mary: And Pastor Jeff asked me to hold him accountable so he doesn't succumb to temptation.
George Sr.: Well, how the heck you do that?
Mary: I'm not sure. Probably have to give him the stink eye every so often.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: The pastor's been married before. Is it really that big a deal?
Mary: Yes, George. It states very clearly in the Bible: "Among you there must not be even a hint of [hushed] sexual immorality."
George Sr.: That book is a bummer sometimes.

Quote from George Sr.

Coach Wilkins: Everything all right with Sheldon?
George Sr.: How much time you got? Why?
Coach Wilkins: Hasn't been in P.E. since Monday.
George Sr.: Really?
Coach Wilkins: Mm-hmm.
George Sr.: He's here. I drove him. You check the places they like to stuff him?
Coach Wilkins: Lockers, trash cans, those bags we put the footballs in. Nothing.
George Sr.: Top of the flagpole?
Coach Wilkins: Nope.

Quote from Sheldon

George Sr.: Hey, Tam. I can't find Sheldon. You know where he is?
Tam: I promised not to say.
George Sr.: Tam!
Tam: Lucky for you I'm weak.
[later, as George finds Sheldon's secret study hall:]
George Sr.: Are you kidding me?
Sheldon: I knew Tam was weak.

Quote from Sheldon

George Sr.: What do you think you're doing?
Sheldon: Exploring the impact of the French invasion on Imperial Russian society.
George Sr.: Well, get out of here. You're going back to class.
Sheldon: No, I'm not.
George Sr.: Excuse me?
Sheldon: I don't learn anything in class. But in here I've taught myself the applications of gravitational lensing, Faraday's law of magnetic induction, and how to whistle. [blows air] Well, sound came out yesterday.
George Sr.: You can't spend your day in a broom closet.
Sheldon: It's no longer a broom closet. It's now a citadel of higher learning.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: Sheldon, go to your room.
Sheldon: Gladly.
Missy: He's just gonna read in there. I'd take away Professor Proton.
George Sr.: Stay out of this. ... [yelling] No more Professor Proton!
Sheldon: Aw.
Missy: That's how you do it.

Quote from George Jr.

George Sr.: I had to get to practice, and I made a decision. He was in the building, he was safe, and he was learning.
Mary: He is never gonna improve his social skills if he's sitting all alone. He has to be around people.
George Sr.: Sounds like you know what he needs, go fix it.
Mary: 'Cause I have to do everything, right?
George Jr.: Oh. Someone's sleeping on the couch tonight.
George Sr.: Get out of here!

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Well, maybe Shel is just acting out 'cause he doesn't have his college class to go to anymore. I could ask John's professor friend. Maybe he'd let him sit in on a class.
Mary: And you are just bringing this up now?
Meemaw: I would've said something earlier, but I was enjoying the fight.

Quote from Sheldon

[Sheldon is chuckling as he stares at a blank screen]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Watching last week's Professor Proton in my mind.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Moon Pie? Good news. You could start going to your college class again.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis is back?
Meemaw: No, but his friend Dr. Linkletter is gonna let you come and take his class.
Sheldon: But I take Dr. Sturgis's class.
Meemaw: I know, but that's not an option right now, and Dr. Linkletter's been nice enough to to let you sit in on his.
Sheldon: But I like the way that Dr. Sturgis teaches.
Meemaw: Well, you might like the way that Dr. Linkletter teaches even better.
Sheldon: Is it lecture-based?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Sheldon: What's his interpretation of quantum mechanics?
Meemaw: I couldn't say.
Sheldon: Where'd he get his doctorate?
Meemaw: From the University of Shut Up and Say Thank You.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Hi, Pastor Jeff. Everything okay?
Pastor Jeff: I'm in trouble. Robin just got here. She looks nice, and she smells even nicer.
Mary: Come on, now. Uh, nothing smells better than eternal salvation.

Quote from George Jr.

Pastor Jeff: [on the phone with Mary] I know. But we put so much thought into my clothes, we didn't even think about what she'd be wearing.
George Jr.: [coming on line] Why? What's she wearing?
Mary: Georgie, you hang up that phone right now!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Same room. Different teacher. Same night. Different time. This is a real roller coaster.
Meemaw: Yeah, it's wild.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Linkletter: Connie. So nice to see you.
Meemaw: Nice to see you, too. Sheldon, this is Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: Hello.
Dr. Linkletter: [holding out his hand] I've heard so much about you.
Sheldon: Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: And on that fun note, I'll leave you to it.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay for the lecture?
Meemaw: Oh, no, bad idea. I'm told I snore.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Linkletter: Just a warning: today's lecture is rather advanced.
Sheldon: Don't worry. If you get confused, I'll be right here in the front row.

Quote from Mary

George Sr.: So, this is nice, huh?
Mary: Yes.
George Sr.: [long silence, sighs] Lemon in the water.
Mary: It's weird to look at a menu and not have to wonder what Sheldon won't eat.
George Sr.: It got easier when he printed that card for my wallet.
Mary: Still don't know where he got that laminated.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Linkletter: So then we're able to take the ends of the strings and connect them to a ten-dimensional membrane. Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis taught us that if you leave the strings open, it allows far more possibilities.
Dr. Linkletter: We don't believe you need open strings anymore. That's an older model of thinking. Now... Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Just because something is older doesn't mean that it's not still good. Original Star Trek is older than Next Generation, but if you think that Mr. Data is better than Mr. Spock, you don't know what you're talking about.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't know what you're talking about.

Quote from George Jr.

Missy: I'm going to hell. I'm going to hell.
George Jr.: Relax. Not until you're dead.


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