TV Quotes

Sheldon: Hello. Yes, you can help me, Dorothy Fitzpatrick. I'm interested in taking out a second mortgage. I'm nine years old. Why do you ask? That's called age discrimination, Dorothy, but I'm willing to let it slide. I'm glad you find me cute, but I'm deadly serious. I need funds to buy a computer. No, the house isn't in my name. I'm nine. We've established this. I do prepare the taxes for my parents, and if we tighten our belts, we'll have sufficient equity for the loan.

Sheldon: Per the student dress and grooming code, this boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere.

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

Rabbi Schneiderman: Hello, this is Rabbi Schneiderman. To whom am I speaking?
Sheldon: Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Hello, Sheldon. Um, how can I help you?
Sheldon: I'm currently a Baptist and I'd like to convert to Judaism.
Rabbi Schneiderman: A Baptist named Sheldon. Okay. And why do you want to convert?
Sheldon: Very simple. It's my intention to become a great scientist and I couldn't help but notice most of the great scientists are Jewish, so logic dictates it's time to switch teams.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Well, I'm sure there are many Baptist scientists you could emulate.
Sheldon: That's kind of you to say, but other than Cornelius Drebbel in the 1500s, it's pretty slim pickings.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Well, Sheldon, you sound like a very smart young man.
Sheldon: Oh, you have no idea.

Mary: I can't believe this.
George Sr.: No good?
Mary: It's awful. It makes sin seem like a good thing.
George Sr.: Well, that's the problem, isn't it? I mean, if sin didn't seem like a good thing, nobody would do it.
Mary: George, please, I'm in no mood.
George Sr.: Hey. Wrath. That's one of the seven sins, right?
Mary: Pastor Jeff gave me this project because he knew I'd be best at it. Now Gene Lundy is taking over.
George Sr.: Oh, look, pride. And envy. Don't stop. Four sins to go. I'm guessing lust ain't happening tonight.