Adult Dean: Keisa's parents decided she could join the committee, but they still wanted her under their watchful eye if she was going to work after school with boys.
Hampton: Great job on those waves, Keisa. You clearly studied the references I gave you this morning.
Dean: Look, guys! I'm a walrus! Arr-arr-arr-arr-arr-arr! [laughter]
Hampton: If you're gonna play around, use a flat-top, not our Filberts.

Dean: Don't laugh. This is all your fault for giving Keisa a makeover. Now all the other guys like her.
Kim: Do you have a problem with a girl feeling good about herself and not being dependent on you for her self-esteem?
Dean: No.
Kim: Well, all I did was give Keisa a dress and a bit of makeup. As her friend, you should be happy for her.
Dean: Okay. I don't have time for this, all right? Hampton asked me to go to the drug store and get him some last-minute decorations. Apparently, our ocean backdrop isn't turquoise enough to match the Atlantic.

Keisa: [sighs] I'm sorry.
Dean: I don't get it. W-Why were you stealing? [Keisa shrugs] Was it 'cause of the money? [Keisa is silent]
Adult Dean: All of the years I'd known Keisa, I didn't notice that she never wore new clothes or always had to borrow my comic books instead of buying her own.
Keisa: People kept saying the new things made me look pretty.
Dean: Well... I-I always thought you were pretty the way you were.

Kim: Let's go. I am so incredibly sorry for what they put you through today. I assure you, they'll get a thorough talking-to when we go home. Come on, let's go.
Clerk: Whoa. I c- I can't let two kids go with another kid. They can either wait for their parents or the police.
Kim: Sir, I really appreciate your concern, but our parents will be working late. I can save you the trouble.
Clerk: They'll just have to wait, then.
Adult Dean: As Kim fought to get us out, it became clear to me that, in a way, she felt responsible for what had happened. When this started, it was just a line on a college résumé. But now she realized she was in over her head, and it was her job to make this right.
Kim: [sobbing] This is all my fault. I was responsible for them today, and I wasn't paying enough attention. And now look at them. They're felons. [sobbing] Our parents work so hard to keep us out of trouble, and they were relying on me to be a good big sister. But instead, I disappointed everyone. [sobbing]
Adult Dean: Now I had seen enough of Kim's fake tears to know what she was doing, but everyone else seemed to be buying it, so I was fine just shutting up and nodding along.
Kim: I'll be happy to pay for what they took. [sniffles]
Clerk: Fine. But y'all are never allowed back in this store again. You hear me?
Kim: Thank you for understanding, sir.

Adult Dean: The sad part was, as I looked around the gym that night, I realized my plan had been a good one. ["When a Man Loves a Woman" plays] This dance was the perfect place to tell Keisa how I felt about her. The back room at the drug store wasn't nearly as romantic or picturesque as this, but I couldn't deny that we did have a moment. And maybe that was better than whatever this could have been.
♪ When a man loves a woman ♪
Adult Dean: Nope. Never mind. It wasn't. But the good thing about the long game is, it's long.
Hampton: There's been a spill by the punch bowl, and that hardwood is warping fast. If you can lean, you can clean. Oh, don't take that turtle! It's for the raffle!
♪ Turn his back on his best friend ♪ ♪ If he puts her down ♪ ♪ Yes, When a Man Loves a Woman ♪

Bill: This is a good thing, and you're doing it.
Lillian: You might enjoy having a Little Sister. I'm sure there's an underprivileged girl out there who could learn a thing or two from you.
Dean: Like what? How to hog the bathroom? Or how to fake-cry to get yourself out of trouble?
Kim: Shut up, Dean. You know, that just shows how out of touch with women you really are.
Dean: Hey! I'm not out of touch with women!
[cut to Dean with his friends at school:]
Dean: Okay, now that Keisa and I are friends again, my three-year plan to get her to like me is back on track.
Adult Dean: You poor, delusional bastard.

Dean: Uh, because I race with Cory and Brad and those guys all the time, and, uh, you and I can do other stuff. Like, I don't know, maybe...
Keisa: Wait, you don't want to race me because I'm a girl?
Dean: Well, kinda, yeah.
Keisa: I throw better than you.
Dean: So?
Keisa: I kick the ball better than you.
Dean: Okay. We don't have time to go through the whole list.
Keisa: C'mon, let's race. On your mark, get set... [school bell rings] [sighs] Dang. I was just about to beat you, too.
Dean: Do you want me to carry your books?
Keisa: Do you want me to carry yours?

Dean: A-Allow me. Anyway, so, uh, Keisa, I was wondering, do you have any plans for the...
Keisa: Oh, I almost forgot. My parents signed me up for Big Sister, Little Sister, and I picked Kim as my mentor.
Dean: What? Wait, my sister? Why would you do that?
Keisa: I don't know. Whenever I saw your sister with you, she always seemed so cool.
Adult Dean: Keisa thought Kim was cool? Maybe she wasn't as smart as I always thought.

Dean: One million and one, one million and two... Hey, Keisa, look... I'm about to set a new record.
Kim: Okay, I know what this is about.
Adult Dean: Uh-oh.
Kim: Dean is clearly jealous that I'm spending time with you instead of him.
Adult Dean: The one time I've ever benefited from Kim's narcissism.
Kim: C'mon, let's go to my room.

Adult Dean: At dinner, I eagerly awaited my opportunity.
[Dean is smiling nervously with his arms crossed at the dinner table]
Bill: What's the matter, boy? You okay?
Dean: What do you mean?
Lillian: You aren't feeling constipated again, are you?