Dwight K. Schrute: I will get the chair in. Watch the Great Schrutini work his magic.
Nellie: Oh, no. Really? Magic? No, no, no. Let's not go there. No, nothing is more repellent than magicians. Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices. Magicians are repulsive. Next topic.

Dwight K. Schrute: [finds shoe box] Ooh.
Jim: [reads] "Nellie, don't open, stupid. Love, Nellie."
Dwight K. Schrute: I have to see these shoes.
Jim: I doubt that they're sh-
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh!
Jim: Whoa. Who is this guy?
Dwight K. Schrute: Here's the two of them taking a hike. I'm guessing he's some kind of friend.
Jim: Boyfriend.
Dwight K. Schrute: Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend.
Jim: Like a boyfriend?
Dwight K. Schrute: You read my mind.
Jim: Yeah. Whoa. Here's one with his face whited out.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. New theory- he's a hated Italian politician.
Jim: Better theory. This is her ex-boyfriend and they went through some kind of painful breakup.
Nellie: [walks in] Oh.
Jim: Oh, Nellie. I'm so sorry. We were just...
Nellie: I see you've discovered Benjamin. That's what I call my box full of photos of Henry.

Nellie: I couldn't afford the flat myself. So I sold it at a loss. Ah, but what's ten years of bliss down the drain compared with the thrill of starting over with nothing and no one?
Jim: I'm so sorry. These must be very painful memories.
Dwight K. Schrute: If it would help you to forget, I could hit you in the brain stem with this candlestick.

Darryl: Oh, in the warehouse we use code names for people we want to talk about. Andy was Jelly Roll. Mike was Dennis the Menace. Ryan was douche bag.
Ryan: Hey, that's not a code name. That's just an insult.
Oscar: Plus everyone would know who you meant.
Ryan: Yeah!

Robert: "Good morning, Robert," says no one because our receptionist is in Florida.

Robert: Nellie?
Nellie: Yes, Robert?
Robert: You're clearly under a lot of stress with the moving and the work situation you've found yourself in.
Nellie: Yeah.
Robert: Let's help her out, shall we? Go above and beyond today to show her some of that warm Scranton hospitality. Jim. Dwight. Take the day. Help Nellie move those boxes into her new place.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why Jim?
Robert: The rest of you, let's throw a party at the end of the day to welcome the newest member of our little community.

Pam: I'm sorry, we're throwing a party for someone because they're being horrible?
[also to camera:]
Jim: I'm sorry, we're taking work time to move someone's personal belongings into their new apartment.
[back:]
Pam: I'm still not sure why this woman is even here.
[again:]
Jim: Why is she here?

Andy: [sings] Two crazy kids on the journey of life.
Erin: [sings] Going to Pennsylvania.
[at a dining stop, to camera:]
Andy: On the road with my new girlfriend. But first, a small pit stop to break up with my current girlfriend who is at her parents' cabin in southern Pennsylvania.
Erin: Oh. That must be nice.
Andy: Mm-hmm. It's a beautiful place. Great place to let her down easy.
Erin: Oh, no, no, I meant that it must be nice to have parents.
Andy: Oh. Hmm.

Andy: And Jessica, just so you know, this is way more about my love for Erin than anything wrong with you.
Erin: Well, Andy, I'm upset, but you did this in the best way possible, and I knew you as a lover and I'll remember you as a gentleman. Okay, that was one minute and ten seconds.
Andy: Consider it nailed.
Erin: I think we should try again. This time, worst case scenario.
Andy: Okay, here we go. Jessica, I'm really sorry. I just need you to know-
Erin: [whining] What?
Andy: I just need you to know-
Erin: What is it? I didn't sleep well last night.

Jim: [answering cell phone] Hi.
Pam: Hey, what's up?
Jim: Ah, nothing, just hauling some cube with Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: [shouting] Haulin' cube!
Jim: That's moving boxes. We just came up with the term to make it sound cooler.
Pam: So we're planning this party for Nellie, and we're gonna make it really bad.
Jim: Sounds like every other party.
Pam: No. We're gonna make it like a prank. Like order bad food, give her this passive-aggressive card.
Jim: Oh! Hire a magician.
Pam: What?
Jim: Trust me.
Pam: [laughs] Okay.