Erin: I don't know if Michael likes Gabe that much, but there's this thing on Glee called mash-up, where two things that don't go together, make one great song. Take Gabe, take Michael, you make Gay Mike. Best friends.

Kelly: [to Erin] No really? Is there time to change this?! That show! Now first they say that Mr. Schu doesn't know anything about choreography, then like three episodes later he's this fantastic choreographer?! Pick a lane people!
[later, to camera]
Kelly: And what was with Jesse's sudden turn on Rachel, between Dream-On and Funk. Where the heck did that come from?! Honestly that show, it's just. It's irresponsible.

Angela: Are you going?
Dwight K. Schrute: Not because I want to. Of all the feeling to base a show around. Glee? Thirst. Now that's a show I'd watch.
Angela: I would watch that.
Dwight K. Schrute: Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.

Gabe: Welcome to my Man Cave! I did my senior year in prog in Japan. Best year of my life.
Jim: You play?
Gabe: Oh! I like to create soundscapes. I imagine one instant of a song, expanded to be the size of the universe.
Jim: I can't even do that.

Pam: Cece, is reverse cycling, which means she sleeps all day and is up all night. Which basically means I'm up all day and I'm up all night. And if it doesn't stop soon, I am going to be up all night.

Pam: Michael? Maybe you should try gong in the other room again. You can have my seat. It's closer to the TV. It'll seem louder.
Michael Scott: Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work. If I ever start acting like that weenie Gabe I want you to take that gun, and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin until I'm dead. Okay?
Pam: You have a gun in your desk?
Michael Scott: Somewhere.

Ryan: Hey! Marantz tube stereo from the 1970s. I respect that. I respect that a lot. Oh hoho. The five Chinese virility herbs. No kidding. This is powdered seahorse. They say that fifteen Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Gengis Khan just using this stuff. You know what they say...
Andy: No what?
Ryan: What is this, Samurai wood cuts? Yep. Pretty erotic.
Andy: Yeah.

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, I find it absolutely disgraceful that no one followed you in here for your walk-out. I took the liberty of making a list of everyone who didn't follow you in here. Jim. Oscar. Creed. Me, at first.
Pam: Maybe I should go.
Dwight K. Schrute: Kelly. Kev- [to Pam] Are you gonna quiet that baby? Or do I have to? In the Schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby.

Kelly: Okay, they did Blinded by the Light and they did it with an actual blind guy. Was it worth it Jim? 'Cause we missed it!

Michael Scott: If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart I will literally kill you and your entire family.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: "Gabe, just go and have fun with Erin. But not too much fun! That girl's gonna turn my hair gray."