‘Vandalism’
Season 9, Episode 14 - Aired January 31, 2013
Pam is furious when the mural she's been working on is defaced, so she teams up with Dwight and Nellie to exact revenge on the vandal. Meanwhile, Jim and Darryl get on each other's nerves in Philly, and Angela is upset when the Senator invites Oscar to Philip's first birthday party.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Angela: [approaches Dwight as he leaves] Hey!
Dwight K. Schrute: What is it? I have vengeance to exact.
Angela: Exciting news. There's room for one more at my son's birthday event. And, I want you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah, I'm not interested.
Angela: What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people.
Dwight K. Schrute: If I get the deicing gig, it's not gonna be on merit. Not because I played politics.
Quote from Oscar
Oscar: [in front of a portrait of Angela] That painting is just... How can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying?
Quote from Clark
Dwight K. Schrute: [pulling Clark across the parking lot] I never want to see you working in the upstairs office again. Do you hear me?
Clark: Well, my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys.
Dwight K. Schrute: Silence. You'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. Now, go make your hands rough with work.
Clark: OK, boss. [quietly] Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? Like you're smarter than this.
Pam: Shh, shh.
Clark: This is never gonna work.
Pam: Shh. Remember your lines.
Clark: What lines?
Quote from Jim
Jim: Wow. This whole Philly thing has been so much fun that I may have lost sight of what really matters. I mean, having fun is not nearly as important as being good to the people who you really care about. I mean, that's just 'Roommates 101'.
Quote from Erin
Erin: [carrying a giant teddy bear] Darryl. Meet... Bearyl.
Darryl: How much did you pay for that?
Erin: Nothing. Won him at the carnival. Spent a ton on tickets, though. Drive safe.
Quote from Darryl
Darryl: Everybody knows I go to Philly. I've just been using sick days I saved up. But, Erin was so excited about being sneaky-sneaks, I went along with it.
Quote from Angela
Angela: Excuse me, everyone. Is it okay if I leave early from work today? It's Philip's first birthday and the senator and I are hosting a party at our house.
Erin: Aw, cute! So there'll be a bunch of kids?
Angela: No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew! It will mostly be campaign donors.
Quote from Oscar
Oscar: [quietly] Angela. You're going to find out, so I thought I'd let you know that, uh, Robert invited me too.
Angela: What?
Oscar: He said he wanted me there for support.
Angela: I'm his! His... wife.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: Angela's husband and I are in love. But, as a politician in this town, you still need the conventional blonde wife on your lawn signs. He is risking everything to have me there today. [laughs] Me.
Quote from Darryl
Darryl: I love Jim. I love that he hooked me up with a job. It's just, he uses old t-shirts as wash rags. He doesn't wash his dishes. Apparently, they need to [air quotes] soak... He hooked me up with a job.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Pam: [entering office] Conference room. Everybody. Now!
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't have the clearance to call a conference room meeting.
Pam: Yes, but David Wallace does. And he asked me to gather everyone to talk about stuff... that's gonna be revealed once we're in the conference room for the meeting.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're telling me, David Wallace asked you to call a super secret, classified conference room meeting?
Pam: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Let's go everyone. Super secret, classified conference room meeting, now!