Andy: There's a trivia contest at a bar in Philadelphia.
Jim: Stop right there. I love it.
Darryl: I'm in.
Andy: I didn't even say what it is.
Darryl: It's trivia.
Jim: In Philadelphia.
Andy: But here's the best part. The prize is a thousand dollars, and if we win, we can use that money to buy paper here, close the gap on our eight percent profit increase...
Jim: That's a great idea.
Darryl: That's a great plan.

Robert: Dwight, today is not my day at all, I'm afraid. I'm not going to be able to meet with you, but I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO.
Dwight K. Schrute: But I can give you this pitch in one minute.
Robert: No, he's going to meet with you later. No, no, no. I don't want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Bill. He's a great person to know. I'll dialogue with him tonight. [leaves]
Gabe: CEO to COO. What a difference a letter makes.
Dwight K. Schrute: Still an important position. Still a chief.
Gabe: You're really going to like Bill. He, uh, he has me toilet a lot of people for him.

Oscar: I don't believe this. What are you doing here, Andy?
Andy: You left us no choice, but, this should put a smile on your face. How would you like to be captain of the Dunder-Mifflin team? Although I reserve the right to overrule you.
Oscar: What? No!
Andy: I've got a quota to hit. I don't care how I hit it.

Oscar: And you guys thought this was a good idea?
Jim: I thought it was a fun idea.
Darryl: There were times on the two and a half hour drive when I experienced doubt. That's the thing about long drives, you know, you're always going to- This is a gay bar.
Andy: Wait, what? Everyone in here is gay?
Oscar: Yes! It's a gay bar! So you guys want to go home now?
All: No. Nah.
Oscar: What does this say about you? That you followed me here? That you think you're going to win your sales quota? At a gay bar's trivia night?
Andy: It says that I believe that my staff's intelligence and that I'm willing to try anything. [Oscar's friend walks up] Not "anything".

Gabe: Hey, man. Uh, look. Unfortunately, Bill had to go fight a fire, so your appointment got-
Dwight K. Schrute: [sniffs] There's no fires within eight miles of here.
Gabe: Well, it's nine miles away. I'm going to be meeting with you on his behalf.
Dwight K. Schrute: What? No, no. Excuse me! Lady! Get anyone from the COO's office on the phone this instant!
Receptionist: This must be very frustrating.
Gabe: I can see you in the jungle now.

Dwight K. Schrute: So it's a very simple argument of why I should be put in charge of southeast printer sales. Nobody has sold more printers in the northeast than me. Bottom line, I know the product. I get it!
Receptionist: Well, you got my vote.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh my God.
Gabe: I know.
Dwight K. Schrute: Most of all, I believe that character is destiny. And my character is one that- Wait, why are you smiling?
Gabe: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: What's with the smile?
Gabe: You're doing great. You know, so good.
Dwight K. Schrute: And my character is one that will never give up until greatness is on the horizon, behind us.
Gabe: Dwight, that was a fantastic presentation. Put your hand on my hand. Flush!

Host: Excuse me, sir, on the Dunder-Mifflin A-team? Excuse me, sir?
Ryan: Yeah?
Host: I'm sure you're just checking your Grindr account... [laughter] but you can't check smart phones during trivia, it's against the rules.
Ryan: Okay, I'm turning it off.
Host: Okay, you're not turning it off.
Ryan: I won't look at it.
Host: Sir?
Ryan: I can't- I can't not touch it.
Host: Okay, then we're going to have to take it away. [employee takes the phone] Thank you.
Ryan: Look, I can't, I can't not have my phone. I'm sorry. I want to be with my phone.

Host: All right guys, time's up. Who was the relatively unknown patent clerk who discovered that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared? Looks like everyone gets a point for Albert Einstein. Oh wait. Except for the Einsteins. That's all right. Which means the top three teams are going to finish it off in the speed round. So let's get everyone some bells. In third place we have the Einsteins.
Kevin: Oh, yeah!