Phyllis: Mmm, what you got?
Michael Scott: PB&J, my mom's recipe! [throws sandwich to Phyllis]
Angela: Michael, Deangelo has a peanut allergy!
Deangelo: I need a wide berth. I need a wide berth from those nuts.
Stanley: What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
Michael Scott: I think Kevin wants one. Kevin, here you go!
Oscar: Michael, this is serious! Do you know what happens if Deangelo touches a peanut?
Michael Scott: What?
Deangelo: Michael, the last time I was exposed to a peanut, I was itching for three days, okay? I had to take baths constantly. I missed the O.J. verdict. I had to read about it in the paper like an idiot.
Jim: Wait, so, you don't go into shock or die or anything?
Deangelo: No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable.
Michael Scott: Oscar, here you go. [throws sandwich]
Deangelo: [uses clipboard to bat away sandwich] You're getting nut particles all in the air!
Michael Scott: No one had a problem with the air here until you came around.

Jim: Hey, Deangelo. Wanna meet Cece?
Deangelo: That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute.
Jim: Thank you very much.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand.
Jim: We're back in! Right?
[also to camera:]
Deangelo: I'm telling you, that baby could be the star of a show entitled "Babies I Don't Care About."

Dwight K. Schrute: How do I become a manger at Sabre?
Gabe: First thing's first, thank you for coming to me directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here.
Dwight K. Schrute: I left a message at corporate.
Gabe: Ah. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening.
Dwight K. Schrute: Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file?
Gabe: What recommendation?
Dwight K. Schrute: From when he recommended me to replace him.
Gabe: ... Um... I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations.

Deangelo: You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal Olympics going.
Michael Scott: Really? What happened?
Deangelo: You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton?
Michael Scott: Oh... Wow. The mountains. Where things are.
Deangelo: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's the way it goes.
Michael Scott: Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? Where is this guy?
Deangelo: [phone vibrating] Excuse me. [on the phone] Hello?
Michael Scott: [on the phone] This is Michael Scott. Hi.
Deangelo: You running late?
Michael Scott: No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar.
Deangelo: I'm at the bar, too.
Michael Scott: You are? What bar?
Deangelo: I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel.
Michael Scott: I... do not see you.
Deangelo: How long have you...
Michael Scott: I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour.
Deangelo: Okay, yep, me too.
Michael Scott: What are you wearing?
Deangelo: I am wearing a grey suit, red tie.
Michael Scott: Are we both at the right place?
Deangelo: Which place?
Michael Scott: I hear your voice.
Deangelo: I hear your voice. I see your lips moving.
Michael Scott: In the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott.
Deangelo: Deangelo Vickers.
Michael Scott: Wow! That is insane! [laughter]
Deangelo: That is insane. That is the right term. Bartender, let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend.

Deangelo: I am very much looking forward to tomorrow. It feels like the culmination of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune...
Michael Scott: [pops up from below camera, then runs out of the room]
Deangelo: Did that- Did that just happen?! [runs after Michael] We should.. We should write a movie or something! I'm serious!

Kevin: [wearing wig] Nope, it's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart! [winks]

Kelly: And that is what they call a "meet cute."

Andy: That exact situation is why I always carry around a couple of these [holds up "My name is..." badges]. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself.
Deangelo: [laughs] Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted.

Dwight K. Schrute: Thanks for meeting me.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him.
Dwight K. Schrute: There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here.
Michael Scott: Ugh! You know me very well, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it. I can't do it again for a whole new guy.
Michael Scott: Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or else I'm going to be off the whole day.
Dwight K. Schrute: I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. You know, what's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me...

Darryl: It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? ... No, I sounded good.
[back:]
Darryl: I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems.
Deangelo: Here's the great thing about the southwest: there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen.