Oscar: I brought you a cookie.
Angela: Oh, thanks, Oscar. You're such an angel. [crumbles cookie as Oscar walks away]

Oscar: [on cell phone] I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, so... Yeah, we're good. Yeah. [exhales] We dodged a bullet, yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, I gotta go now, but... Okay, bye. Bye.

Angela: What? Why did you call me out here?
Dwight K. Schrute: The target... It's Oscar, isn't it? He and the senator are gaying each other.
Angela: I don't know what you're talking about.
Dwight K. Schrute: Your nostrils tell a different story. They flare like that every time you're engaging in deception. Hello again, naughty nostrils.
Angela: Fine! F- It's Oscar. So what?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, I could understand you wanting to get a stranger's knees whacked. But a co-worker-- Dare I say, a friend?
Angela: Exactly, a friend. Someone who sits next to you year after year, making chitchat and smiling, and all the while running behind your back and defiling your marriage and seducing your husband.
Dwight K. Schrute: I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. But the first ones to break your marriage vows were you and me.

Trevor: Sandwich delivery for Mr. Oscar Martinez.
Kevin: I... am Oscar Martinez.
Angela: No, not him, not him. Outside. Outside.
Kevin: Wha- Wh-
Angela: You know, there's doughnuts in the break room.
Kevin: Nice! Yeah.

Jim: Listen, I was really wondering if maybe we could lock this down before lunch is over.
Stanley: Don't be pushy Jim. It's tacky.
Jim: All right. Phyllis! Phyllis, that's- That's decorative.
Phyllis: No, there's wine in here.
Jim: Still decorative.
Stanley: Is it white wine?
Jim: No.
Phyllis: [to customer] Can you help me?
Jim: Don't. Don't- Don't poke people with knives.

Trevor: If you chase me, I will run so fast. If you catch me I will bite so hard. Got it? Good-bye, my friend.
Oscar: What the hell, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: See ya later, Trevor.
Oscar: You are incorrigible!
Dwight K. Schrute: I just saved your life. You're welcome!
Oscar: [to Angela] You hired someone to hit me with a pipe!
Angela: You deserved every bit of it! You made my husband gay.
Oscar: What- What I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is gay. And he was gay when you married him!
Angela: No. No.
Oscar: Angela, until you face that, you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, go ahead, I won't stop you. Hit me. you have my blessing. Hit me.
Angela: Well, are you gonna let go of it? Because part of the blame is definitely on you.
Oscar: Angela, it's a lead freaking pipe.
Angela: God! [kicks Oscar]
Oscar: Aah!
Angela: You were supposed to be my friend.

Pete: Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pamela Halpert...
All: [cheers and applause]
Pete: For insulting a client's recently deceased mother.
Nellie: Yes!
Pam: I did not know that.
Pete: Well, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life.
Pam: I'm so sorry.
Meredith: Wow.
Pete: Yeah. That's That is terrible.

Angela: I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid.
Angela: [crying] Jazz is stupid! I mean, just play the right notes!
Dwight K. Schrute: I know. You're gonna be okay, Monkey.
Angela: I don't like your friend Trevor.
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't like him either. And yet I really like him.