Andy: Kevin, Jim dropped out of my seminar, and I'm just... I was wondering if you could replace him as my charming warm up guy.
Kevin: Andy, I'm no Jim. The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam.
Andy: Hey, that's crazy talk. I think you're great.
Kevin: Then I won't let you down.

Andy: Welcome everybody. Awesome to see you guys. My name is Andy Bernard but you can call me The Nard Dog.
Older Woman: Hi Nard Dog. I'm Lu Peachem.
Andy: Let's get things started, shall we? You guys ready to hear from the Dunder Mifflin business experts? Good. Well, as you can see on your program... first up is a speech called, "Don't Just Dream it, do it." Yes! Please give a big hand to Mr. Kevin Malone.
[Kevin plays Ozzy Osboure's Crazy Train and then starts taking laps around the room]
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: There are some people who have charm and some people who don't. Guess which type I am. Charm type.

Oscar: We got it! Wow! We got it!
Pam: Oscar, wait. I think the victory would be more meaningful if Erin puts the last word in herself.
Oscar: Yes, Pam. Yes, most definitely. Yes.
Erin: Yes.
Oscar: [pulls phone back] Ah. No! [laughs, then hands phone to Erin]. Although I must say, I will have "apoplexy" if you lose. Do you understand? "Apoplexy" is what I will have.
Erin: Apoplexy.
Oscar: Yes.
Erin: Got it. [plays word; As Oscar gasps:] Oh, Oscar. Oscar?
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I played "ape."

Pam: Here's the story. That guy in there is Jim's childhood friend, Tom.
Jim: Tom Witochkin. One of my best buddies, actually.
Pam: And when they were both in the third grade, Jim was placed in the top reading group.
Jim: I was blue group, so it was second from the top.
Pam: And Tom...
Jim: Was in the green group.
Pam: And Jim's mom suggested that Jim spend time hanging with the kids in his reading group, because she though that would be a good influence.
Jim: And that's what I told him.
Pam: Right. But how'd you say it?
Jim: "My mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with."

Tom: How's it goin'?
Jim: Pretty good.
Tom: It's been a while.
Jim: It has been, yeah.
Tom: So you work here, huh?
Jim: Sales.
Tom: Must be a front for some kind of famous laboratory. [laughs]
Jim: [laughs]
Tom: 'Cause you're so smart.
Jim: Oh, man. You remember that, huh?
Tom: Oh, barely. I'm so dumb, you know, stuff goes in, stuff goes out. Not like you, probably remember every paper sale you ever made, paper salesman genius.
Jim: All right, good catch-up.
Tom: Yeah.
Jim: See ya.
Tom: Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg?

Andy: Hi, Ryan, you went to business school, right?
Ryan: Yup.
Andy: I need somebody to talk to this seminar about business.
Ryan: And?
Andy: Can you do it?
Ryan: Okay. I don't... I don't like committing to things just like that.
Andy: So no?
Ryan: No, I don't like committing to not doing things, either. That's just as big a commitment.
Kelly: Oh, baby.
Andy: What do I put you down for, bro hombre?
Ryan: Yes.
Andy: All right!
Ryan: Yes, I'll do it.
Andy: Okay, than you so much. It's going to be so awesome.
Ryan: And if I flake, I flake.
Andy: What?

Stanley: I'm out.
Andy: Stanley, you're suppose to close.
Phyllis: I'm out too.
Andy: What? I already lost Jim. Salesmen are suppose to help each other out. We're suppose to be a team.
Dwight K. Schrute: We're no more a team than the people staying in the same hotel are a team.

Oscar: A little treat for our old friend Gabe. Put that "q" right there.
Erin: Wait. Why?
Oscar: Put the "q" there, sweetie.
Pam: I think there's better...
Oscar: Put the "q" there! [phone plays triumphant sound] Sorry I yelled.
Pam: You could have just told us what you were thinking.
Oscar: There's no theater in that.
Pam: There's no yelling in that, either.
Oscar: Well...

Jim: Hey, Andy, I'm really, really sorry to do this to you, but I have a meeting today that I totally forgot, so I can't be apart of this seminar.
Andy: No. What? You can't do that. You are a critical part of this seminar. You're the charming warm-up guy,
Jim: I know.
Andy: If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche. You like, signal the flavors of the whole night.

Andy: I can't have this go badly. I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately, or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck because this is the only job I've ever been good at.