Oscar: You wanted to see me?
Michael Scott: Yes, Oscar, come on in. Close the door, if you would. Thanks so much for talking to me.
Oscar: Yeah, sure.
Michael Scott: I'm going in for a procedure today.
Oscar: Is everything okay?
Michael Scott: Yeah. It's routine. I'm just a little bit scared. I'm sure everything will be fine.
Oscar: What's the procedure, if you don't mind my asking?
Michael Scott: It is a colonoscopy. In your experience, what should I be expecting in terms of sensation or emotions? Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Chaudry?
Oscar: Oh, my God.
Michael Scott: My main concern is should I have a safe word?

Michael Scott: Let me escort you to your desk.
Pam: Well, it's just three or four steps, but thank you.
Michael Scott: You and Jim are close, huh?
Pam: Yeah, I think the pregnancy really brought us together.

Michael Scott: Hey, what do you think he and David are talking about?
Pam: Uh, I don't know.
Michael Scott: You said good luck to Jim as he walked in.
Pam: Did I? Doesn't sound like me. I'm not very superstitious.

Dwight K. Schrute: He's lying.
Toby: He has a doctor's note.
Dwight K. Schrute: From who, Dr. J? You really need to investigate this. People don't just fall off of ladders.
Toby: Guy on my street fell off his ladder painting his house. It was on the news.
Dwight K. Schrute: Since when have you known Darryl to rush to do anything other than to come up here for birthday cake? "Y'all having birthday cake?"
Toby: That's not a very good Darryl.
Dwight K. Schrute: Please. And how many foremen do you know that pull boxes? It just doesn't add up.

Michael Scott: Wallace had to show up on the one four-month period that I'm completely overwhelmed.

Michael Scott: You know when they say it's so crazy it just might work? Well, I don't believe that. I say go for the airtight plan. And that is why I am having Andy wheel me into the conference room inside a makeshift cheese cart. It is just... elegant.

David: Are you sure you're okay with these new responsibilities?
Michael Scott: Look who you're talking to.
David: Just trying to figure out the best way to utilize everyone's talents.
Michael Scott: Well, I would say that my greatest talent is being the best man, woman or child to ever run this branch. Ever.

Jim: I didn't tell Michael because I thought he'd try to help. Example: He handed out jell-o shots at the 23rd mile of the Steamtown Marathon.

Dwight K. Schrute: Now I would like to file an official complaint to corporate because Darryl lied on an official form.
Darryl: And I'm telling them you guys sexually harassed my sister.
Dwight K. Schrute: No judge is gonna believe that.
Toby: Okay, look. We could all file complaints against each other, and just drown in a sea of paperwork. But, you know, we'll just move on with our with our lives.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: So Dwight and Darryl came to an agreement that they would both file complaints with corporate, and now I got to do all this paperwork. We worked it out.

Meredith: Niagara falls in October? Hells yeah!
Pam: Do you think that you could send in your RSVP card?
Meredith: No, I'll just tell you now. Easier.
Pam: Well, you have to choose a food option, and there's information in there about directions and lodging.
Meredith: I'll just have whatever's fanciest, unless there's ribs. I'll just get the other information the day of. I'll text you.
Pam: You're going to text me the morning of my wedding to ask for directions?
Meredith: Right.
Pam: And you will eat whatever is fanciest?
Meredith: Unless there's ribs.