Creed: I find it offensive. Au naturel, baby. That's how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots.

Andy: I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has, my brain, which I use to my advantage when advantageous.

David: So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
Michael Scott: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard, I care too much, and sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael Scott: Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths.
David: Oh. Yes. Very good.
Michael Scott: There you go.

Michael Scott: I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. Jim and Karen are here, which is cute.
They're like kid actors tagging along with daddy on the big audition, hoping to be discovered, except daddy is the best actor around. Daddy is Meryl Streep.

Michael Scott: [as Terminator] I'll be back. And I am back.
Pam: How did it go?
Michael Scott: No, no, Pam. [as Kevin Nealon] I'm back for good. Kevin Nealon. Everybody, may I have your attention please? It is with great honor and privilege that I announce to you, I have officially withdrawn my name for consideration from the corporate job. I know, I know, I know. Michael, what are you thinking? You were a shoo-in. Well I got down there, I nailed the interview and the strangest thing happened.

Michael Scott: So I'm back and I am never, ever, going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place is like the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home and my graveyard for my bones.

Michael Scott: I have got it made in the shade. I know this company. The other branch managers are total morons. [on the phone] Hey, Pam, yeah, I forgot what day the interview was. I drove to New York accidentally. Be, like, three hours late.

Jim: Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow, so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless.

Pam: After I had my little outburst at the beach, Jim was really nice about it. He just basically said that he missed my friendship, too, and I would always mean a lot to him. And I understand where he's coming from. For the record, I am not embarrassed at all. It needed to be said and I said it and it only took me three years to summon the courage. So, thank you.

Dwight K. Schrute: You wanted to see me?
Michael Scott: Yes. The time has come to name my own replacement. So, please hand this letter of congratulations to Dwight K. Schrute.
Dwight K. Schrute: But that's my name. [opening letter, reading] "Dwight, congratulations, a-wipe. Don't screw the pooch." [sobbing] Thank you.