Oscar: Kevin, listen to me. I'm in love with the Senator. And I need time to sort this out in a responsible matter so I need your help in keeping it a secret because this means the world to me. Okay?
Kevin: That's beautiful. No, I totally get that.
Oscar: Can you do this, Kevin?
Kevin: I really want to. Whatever happens, always remember that.
Oscar: I don't know what that means. Hey, hey!

Kevin: What happened?
Angela: Jammed. Could this day get worse?
Kevin: Yeah, I think this day could get worse.
Angela: What does that mean?
Oscar: Kevin!
Kevin: [to Angela] I don't know what you're talking about. [Thumbs up Oscar]

Andy: Guys, you don't understand, this boat's been in our family since before I was born.
Erin: Don't you guys have that place where you used to spend your summers and have all those memories?
Darryl: I worked at a Jiffy Lube.
Erin: See? I bet you wouldn't sell that Jiffy Lube for all the money in the world. Would you, Darryl?
Darryl: I would if I owned it and I went broke.

Erin: Oh yeah, just. Watermelon teeth. This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone. But, it's a girlfriend's job to know her man and I know Andy. [laughs] He's seriously juvenile.
Pete: Cool. He's like 40 though, right?
Erin: Oh no, he couldn't be more than late thirty's. Tops.

Dwight K. Schrute: Vroom! Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin. Good. Sounds- [answering phone] This is Dwight Schrute.
Pam: Please hold for Ms. Black.
Nellie: [Darryl plays music on keyboard] And welcome back to Biz Whiz. I'm Iris Black. On the line we have Dunder Mifflin's senior sales associate Dwight Schrute.
Dwight K. Schrute: Iris, thank you so much for having me.

Angela: Kevin, we're out of 11-38 forms. Did you order more?
Kevin: I... did not.
Angela: I don't know why I'm surprised. Literally nothing you do could surprise me anymore.
Kevin: [laughing in Oscar's direction] Oh really, Angela? That's interesting. Cause I do think that I could surprise you. I think that I could surprise you... oh, oh! ... I have to go to the bathroom!
Angela: That doesn't surprise me.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom.

Dwight K. Schrute: [pantless] Okay, how is my voice now?
Nellie: I'm getting the all clear from Steve, so, Mr. Schrute, what is your response to the consumer product safety commission that says Dunder Mifflin paper is toxic?
Dwight K. Schrute: [holding hand over phone] This is gotcha journalism. You know what? They're not gonna gotch me.

Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] This is slander, Ms. Black. Slander I say! [Pam tells Jim to leave the conference room] I dare you to produce one credible source about this.
Nellie: [as Iris] Well, as it happens we have with us the foreman of your upstate New York paper mill, Sandra Mc... Sandra Mick.
Pam: [gravely voice] Good afternoon, Iris, it's a pleasure.
Nellie: Let's get straight to the point. Is your paper toxic?
Pam: No, the paper's not toxic.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you Sandra!
Pam: Unless it's exposed to oxygen. Then it becomes extremely toxic!
Dwight K. Schrute: Do not listen to her! This employee is obviously disgruntled!

Erin: That's yours?
Andy: That's the family boat.
Erin: Oh my gosh, Andy. This is enormous.
Andy: Right?
Erin: I thought it was gonna be tiny. Oh my gosh, it's beautiful. So this is how your family came to America.

Nellie: For those just joining us, terror in Greenwich, where police have surrounded the house of Dunder Mifflin CEO David Wallace. Wallace is said to be despondent over the company's stock plummet and is taking a mailman hostage. On the line, we have chief of Greenwich Police, Mr. Bill Jackson.
Jim: [offending Darryl with an African-American accent] Good afternoon!
Dwight K. Schrute: Please sir! Spare him. Please.
Jim: Uh, this Wallace guy is lookin' at hard time. And we only know this because of what Dwight Snoot said on record!
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, everyone. Everyone, hold on! I've got a solution. I know Wallace's phone number, everyone hold, I'll conference him in.
Nellie: Oh, Mr. Schrute, there's really no need to, um involve Mr Wallace.