Dwight K. Schrute: [to camera] Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Sabre store. [imitates trumpet] And I, Dwight Schrute, am in charge of the entire operation. If I can prove myself today and the store is a hit with the media and Nellie sees this, the vice presidency is mine.
Ryan: Are you holding this chair?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Ryan: ‘cause I feel like I'm gonna fall off.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Yes.
Ryan: I'm not wearing the right shoes for this.
Dwight K. Schrute: We went over this, okay? Your tiny fingers make the best knots.

Erin: Hey Strangers. So stoked for the Sabre store opening.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: Hey, my name's Tabitha. I'm camped out in front of the Sabre store so I can be first in line for the new Pyramid. Psst. It's me Erin. Dwight had me pretend to be a hipster to create hype, and it's working. There's already people camped out behind me.

Dwight K. Schrute: Today is press day and, uh, press is gonna make or break this store. And for a tech company, press can only mean one thing: bloggers. Dossier on bloggers. Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. You're gonna love ‘em. Ryan is going to be the main event today. He is the pitchman who is going to give the feisty yet profound speech worthy of a world's fair. Ryan, you ready to do this?
Ryan: When people see this presentation, they're gonna [bleep] in their pants.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay.

Dwight K. Schrute: Speaking of pimples, let's release the bloggers!

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, hey, hey, hey, you guys, you must be lost. Listen. Excuse me, sir. Yeah, the fountain where you can feed the pigeons is out behind the bank. Tell your great-grandson to bring his kid by. Okay. So long. Here we go. Erin! Psst! Come on! The elderly suck the life out of the young. Get them out of here!

Ryan: My mom would say the best stuff, though.
Jim: [ahem] You can... [slightly effeminate] You can do it, Ryan.
Ryan: And you know that I'm capable of this.
Jim: You're the only one who can do it, s-sweetie.
Ryan: What did you think of the presentation?
Jim: I thought it was great, sweetie. I would just fix that one-
Ryan: Oh! "Fix" means you hate it! I knew it! I need something to drink!
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, get him a water.
Ryan: No, not a water. A sports drink. I hate everything in that fridge. Not red! Get me something yellow or green from a nearby store. Not red!
Dwight K. Schrute: Why are you just standing there? Go to a nearby store and get him a yellow or green sports drink!

Lady: Forgive me for interrupting. I believe my daughter had an altercation with somebody here, some fancy gentleman with a squeaky voice?
Andy: [deep voice] I think you guys might have the wrong office.
Girl: That's him. The guy I hit.
Darryl: What?
Oscar: You've gotta be kidding me.
Kevin: Poor Andy! First you got beat up by a gang, and now she kicks your ass?
Oscar: No, Kevin.

Dwight K. Schrute: Have you seen Erin?
Stanley: I'm on break. [removes a pizza slice from his "tripack" pouch]
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh God.

Erin: Sorry about kicking you out. It's just, we don't want our brand associated with death.
Old Lady: It's okay. I'll go to the Costco and search for handsome men.
Erin: You're not married yet?
Old Lady: [laughs] Oh, I was. My husband was my best friend. He passed away.
Erin: My best friend was my boss, Andy. We dated for a while, but since then, he rejected me, and we're not really friends.
Old Lady: Someone rejected you? With that body and those bazongas? Forget him!
Erin: Yeah! Forget him! And you should forget your husband.
Old Lady: Well...

Cathy: Seriously disgusting.
Dwight K. Schrute: Cathy, you will be the hot girl who talks to bloggers.
Cathy: Ugh. Kill me. That was my idea.
Dwight K. Schrute: Packer, you will be the sexual predator who has come to prey on the trendy teenage girls who are obsessed with the Pyramid.
Todd: Uh...
Nellie: Uh, that is excellent.
Todd: I don't see what that gets us, but I'm a team player.
Dwight K. Schrute: Perfect casting, right?
[aside to camera:]
Todd: Schrute's out to get me. But I'm playing the long game. As soon as he messes up, I swoop in like a sexual predator.