Michael Scott: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.

Michael Scott: Did he tell you everything? Obviously, he didn't, because you all still look relatively happy. Albeit bored. Do you realize what we're losing? Seriously.
Angela: E-mail forwards.
Michael Scott: Exactly. Can we afford to lose e-mail forwards? Do we want that?
Angela: I hate them. You send me these filthy e-mails, and you say, "Forward them to 10 people or you'll have bad luck."

Michael Scott: Stanley? How about that hot picture you have by your desk? Centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirl's outfit? I mean, it is hot, it is sexy, and it turns him on. And I will admit, best part of my morning is staring at it. But what? Are we gonna just take it away?
Stanley: That is my daughter, she goes to Catholic girls' school. I'm taking it down right now.

Michael Scott: Hey! We have to watch Toby's video that he's showing us, in order to brainwash us, and I was wondering if anybody would like to join in? Gonna be fun. Got microwave pizza.

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, Toby.
Toby: Hey, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: You said that we could come to you if we had any questions.
Toby: Sure.
Dwight K. Schrute: Where is the clitoris? On a website it said, "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? What does the female vagina look like?

Michael Scott: You know what? You just crossed the line. Okay? There's a line, and you went over it. And you must be punished. So go to your corner.
Kevin: You mean, where my desk is?
Michael Scott: Yes, your corner, go.
Kevin: Okay. I have a lot of work to do, anyway.

Michael Scott: They didn't get to me. I got to them. I am still the same old Michael Scott. New and improved. You know what? I love Phyllis. And know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is an incredibly, incredibly attractive person. Come here, give me a kiss, come on.
Phyllis: Michael, come on, you don't have to worry. I'm not gonna report you to HR.
Michael Scott: I'm not- I'm not worried! You know what? The only thing I am worried about is getting a boner. Good work today, everybody.

Michael Scott: Times have changed a little. And even though we're still a family here at Dunder Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to.
[later:]
Pam: He said what?

Michael Scott: Hey, what's up?
Jim: Hey.
Michael Scott: Any e-mails today?
Jim: I don't think so.
Michael Scott: No? Check your spam folder.
Jim: Oh, there it is.
Michael Scott: What?
Jim: "Fifty signs your priest might be Michael Jackson." [Michael laughs] Well done. Kidding. Topical.

Todd: Pam?
Pam: I just wanted to say that, just, my mom's coming in today.
Kevin: M...ILF.
Pam: Thanks, Kevin.