Robert: I miss being in a band.
Andy: Miss no more! What do you play? Join us!
Kevin: I have a tambourine.
Robert: Tambourine? You know I'm the CEO, right?
Andy: [to Kevin] CEOs don't play tambourines. Tambourines are for girlfriends.

Merv: Did, uh, you just interview?
Robert: Oh, unfortunately, yes.
Merv: What do you mean?
Robert: That business can't attract anyone. It's awful up there. Those people seem like they're in prison, waiting out life sentences in a... dying industry.
Merv: Place must be horrible. I don't know if I want this job. [gets on elevator]
[aside to camera:]
Merv: Well, if I get this job offer, and then I know that I'm gonna take it, and if I take it, I know that I'm never gonna quit, and then 25 years are gonna go by and... I'm gonna die here.

Robert: The fifth one is for you, Erin. You could take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman, with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine, too.
Phyllis: One, two three!
Kevin: Yes.
Erin: Okay.
Robert: Mmm. Wow.
Erin: Whoo! Jiminy Christmas!
Robert: Jiminy Christmas indeed.

Robert: Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Robert.
Robert: You made it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Robert: Impressive initiative. I don't know what's worse, the trip or the destination. [Gabe laughs] Well, uh, let me settle in and I'll be with you shortly.

Robert: Shalom. Give us just a minute. Stu and I are just finishing up our lesson. Trust me. One nine-minute bout is a cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. I could go to the gym three times a week or I can wrestle Stu once a month. [slaps the mat, they wrestle]
Stu: Grab my knee!
Gabe: Yay, Robert!
Robert: Guys, please help yourself to some drinks from the fridge.

Robert: They haven't really improved on the Oreo, have they?
Dwight K. Schrute: No thank you.
Robert: Sit down, Dwight.

Robert: I had two bears sewn together to make this king-size. Total waste of two bears.
Jim: To both these bears.
Ryan: To both these bears.
Toby: Bears.
Oscar: To both these bears.

Robert: And of course, the pool. The ultimate lubricant for any wild evening. It was here that my parties would have crescendoed into true madness.
Jim: To madness.

Robert: What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution.
Todd: If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Schrute.
Robert: I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.
Nellie: Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. Fire the employee, yes. But not the man. You may not cancel his soul.
Robert: That was never on the table.
Toby: [to Nellie] Are you kidding? [to Robert] She's the queen of the whole freaking magilla!
Robert: And yet Todd, it's you who's fired.

Jim: Um are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises?
Robert: I am not. Huh.
Jim: Yeah. She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis.
Robert: Let me guess, you want one, too? Take the family to Disneytown?
Jim: Land. World. Uh, it's not that I don't want a- Well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise. That's not what I'm saying. That's not- Sorry.