Robert Quote #74
Robert: [answering phone] Yeah, hello?
Andy: [on cell phone] You once put me on a list of the losers in the office. Well, this loser just got your biggest client to give him all their business. So hire me back, that business is yours. Don't, and I will find another buyer.
Robert: You're blackmailing me.
Andy: It's just business.
Robert: Ah. [chuckles] Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on, but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the [bleep] lizard king.
Quote from Robert
Robert: Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? [camera pans to Harry, Dwight and Jim looking at Robert] They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I'll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one.
Quote from Toby
Harry: Where do you get off crossing state lines?
Toby: Now, we're actually a lot closer to Binghamton than you are. Kimosabe.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: I like to think Lloyd Gross is a no-nonsense guy who doesn't back down from anybody. And he calls people "Kimosabe".
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Jim: The salesmen have a commission cap, but we figured out a way around it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Lloyd Gross is a fictional salesman we invented to – how do I put this – steal from the company. Embezzle. To commit fraud.
Jim: Okay, it sounds sketchy, but it helps us get more money.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Jim: Pam made a drawing of Lloyd. He is a blend of all the salesman.
Quote from Angry Andy
Robert: I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to recuse myself temporarily until I've had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way.
Quote from Search Committee
Dwight K. Schrute: What makes you feel qualified to judge a place after a mere interview? [Robert stares at Dwight] What are you doing..? [Dwight sits up abruptly] Stop trying to figure me out.
Robert: I just did.
Dwight K. Schrute: You can't.
Robert: It's done.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, it's not.
Robert: I know you now. I know your nature. I'm done. Not worth continuing.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't know me! Anything about me! Get out of my head! Stop trying to figure me out. Do you even know anything about paper? How it's made?
Robert: I saw an episode of how they make paper on Sesame Street.
Dwight K. Schrute: Get out.
Quote from Spooked
Robert: When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. [hisses] She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter.
Creed: Oh my goodness.
Robert: The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby. For they were mummies.
Robert: Amongst them was a man, tall, slim.
Meredith: Jim. [rolls eyes]
Robert: Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. "Oh, wait," she thought, "I don't have a husband." For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Every time she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, "Baby, are you okay?" Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, "I'm fine, bitch. I'm fine."