Dwight K. Schrute Quote #1222

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in The Farm

Erin: Dwight, what a ridiculous, fancy clown you are.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died.
Pam: Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close?
Dwight K. Schrute: I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt.

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 ‘The Farm’ Quotes

Quote from Creed

Pam: We can't let him buy our forgiveness with cupcakes. He was awful to us. And, he still is. How much is a cupcake? $2.50? Is that the price of our dignity?
Creed: $3.75 a cupcake, actually. $3.67 if you buy a dozen.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: I never forget a number. Names? In one ear and out the other. Places? Nope. Faces? That's rich. But, numbers? I have a gift. I guess that's why I'm an accountant.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: We Schrutes don't need some Harvard doctor to tell us who's alive and who's dead. But, there was an unlucky streak of burying some heavy sleepers. And, when grave robbers discovered some scratch marks on the inside of some of the coffins, we decided to make sure that our dead were completely dead. Out of kindness.

Quote from Clark

Pam: Oh my god! Is everyone OK?
Phyllis: Last night, I got out all of my old dolls and played with them on the living room floor. Then, I ordered ten American Girl outfits online. It was thousands of dollars.
Nellie: Yeah? Well, count yourself lucky, Phyllis. I got the toilet.
Stanley: Me too. [holds up four fingers]
Clark: I went Christmas caroling in March and I fertilized some bushes along the way. So, not my best night. But, not my worst night.

 Dwight K. Schrute Quotes

Quote from Product Recall

Dwight K. Schrute: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat. Couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.

Quote from Dunder Mifflin Infinity

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm going to live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Mannheim is 103, and still puttering around down in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.

Quote from Frame Toby

Dwight K. Schrute: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No.
I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come, and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son, he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.