Dwight K. Schrute: I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England. I really should have a Tweeter account.

Phyllis: Welcome to your party.
Creed: Everybody get comfy now. This first song's over a half hour long.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: Best gig ever. They asked me to play only originals. I said, "Have you heard my originals? They're terrible." They said, "Even better." I said, "I get it. It's an ironic party for Nellie."

Robert: Pam!
Pam: Oh.
Robert: Is this a video conference you're having with "Drake, featuring Swizz Beatz"?
Pam: Um, no, I was just, um, just having a cup of coffee, kind of warming up for the day.
Robert: People, you should come to work already warm. Nine to ten a.m. is the most productive potential that a human being-