TV Quotes

Ryan: Robert, I hate to interrupt. But I would love to pitch you one last idea. I call it the Big Mac idea.
Kevin: What?!? No!
Robert: Big Mac idea. That sounds encouraging.
Ryan: It's really, really good Robert. Let me explain.
Kevin: No! This is not fair! This is my idea. He's trying to steal it because he's jealous of me.
Robert: Well, what is the idea?
Kevin: Every time you buy a Big Mac you set one ingredient aside. Then at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac. And you love it even more because you made it with your own hands.
Ryan: You know what? Now, I remember. That was your idea. That is 100 percent your idea.
Robert: [nervous chuckle] Oh, my. It was just actually cookies the whole time?

Gabe: Comply with all applicable laws, regulations, policies and contracts governing our business. Be honest, fair-
Pam: [whispers to Jim] I'm gonna do it.
Gabe: And trustworthy in all your business activities and relationships. Treat one another-
Pam: Oh! I'm going into labor! Oh my goodness!
Jim: Oh okay, she's going into labor. Make way, everybody!
[aside to camera:]
Pam: I know it's wrong to fake going into labor just to get out of things, but sometimes it's necessary.

Dwight K. Schrute: Brain teaser. I have two coins, totaling 15 cents. One of them is not a nickel. What are they?
Ryan: A dime and a nickel.
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I said one of them is not a nickel.
Ryan: But the other one is. I've heard that before.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, "There is no way I can operate on this boy",
Ryan: "Because he's my son." The doctor is the boy's mother.
Dwight K. Schrute: A man is found hanging from the ceiling-
Ryan: He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself and the ice melted.
Dwight K. Schrute: A hunter-
Ryan: It's a polar bear, because you're at the North Pole.

Ryan: I want an outsider.
Jim: Perfect. There are several outside candidates that we think would be really-
Ryan: No, I mean an outsider. Like someone on the margins of society, who doesn't see things the way we do, like a homeless person.
Pam: A homeless person. Really? A homeless person.
Ryan: No, you're right, Pam, let's just leave him to the welfare system and let that handle it.
Pam: No, I want you to say that you think the best person to be our new manager is a homeless person.
Ryan: Let me guess who you want, Pam. Rachael Ray? The ladies of The View?
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: I got away with everything under the last boss, and it wasn't good for me, at all. So, I want guidance. I want leadership. But don't just, like, boss me around, you know? Like, lead me. Lead me... when I'm in the mood... to be led.