Jim Quote #449

Quote from Jim in Threat Level Midnight

Stanley: [as narrator] Well, the hostages were scared.
Kevin: Don't you guys get it? Nobody's coming for us.
Jim: [his face painted gold] Oh someone's coming alright, the only man who would care, Michael Scarn. See, I'm gonna lure him here, then I kill everybody, then... I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife, and I'm gonna hump her real good.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist who will remain nameless.

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Features in the collection: Jim & Pam Quotes.

‘Jim & Pam Quotes’ Collection

Quote from Jim in Christmas Party

Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa, and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else? This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Quote from Pam in Launch Party

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day at work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah. "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your desk-mate Dwight."
Jim: And that's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired."
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Pam: Yep.
Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.

Quote from Pam in The Job

Pam: I haven't heard anything. But I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified and smart. Everyone loves him. And if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just- We never got the timing right. You know, I shot him down and then he did the same to me and- But you know what, it's okay. I'm totally fine. Everything is going to be totally-
Jim: Pam. Sorry. Are you free for dinner tonight?
Pam: Yes.
Jim: All right. Then it's a date.
Pam: [to camera] I'm sorry. What was the question?

 ‘Threat Level Midnight’ Quotes

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm too depressed to save the big game Billy.
Andy: I'm gonna cheer you up, the only ways I know hows. [to a small boy in overalls] Hey, kid, hit G9 on the jukebox!
Michael Scott: No, Billy, I haven't done that dance since my wife died.
Andy: There is a whole crowd of people out there, who need to learn, how to do The Scarn.
Michael Scott: [Michael starts to dance and rap to a funky song] Well my name's Michael Scarn and I'm here to say, I'm about to do The Scarn in a major way. [everyone else joins in] You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn!

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: I gave up a lot of weekends because I thought it'd be good for my daughter to see a black man as president. Even in a silly home movie. What a stupid waste of time.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level: Midnight.

 Jim Halpert Quotes

Quote from Product Recall

[Jim arrives for work wearing glasses, a side-parting hair cut, and a pale yellow shirt:]
Jim: It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought.
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bears do not- What is going on? What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of $11.
[back:]
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: Michael!
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!

Quote from Conflict Resolution

Michael Scott: Okay. So, Dwight, in your own words, "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons.
I suspect Jim Halpert." "Everyone has called me Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
Jim: [aside to camera:] Yes. 5 bucks each and it was totally worth it.
Michael Scott: "This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer." "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gag. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
Jim: [aside to camera:] That actually took a while. I had to put more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight. And then I just took them all out.
Michael Scott: "Every time I typed my name, it said diapers."
Jim: [aside to camera:] Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny, one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
Michael Scott: "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier."
Jim: [aside to camera:] Yeah. I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day, that day.

Quote from Golden Ticket

Jim: Ding-dong.
Michael Scott: Who's there?
Jim: KGB.
Michael Scott: Dwight, get the door.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not answering the door.
Michael Scott: Answer the door.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's the KGB.
Michael Scott: You get it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not answering that. You answer it.
Michael Scott: I'm not gonna answer it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not gonna answer it. It's the KGB!
Jim: [slapping Dwight across the face] The KGB will wait for no one. [Michael laughs]
Dwight K. Schrute: [to camera:] It's true.