TV Quotes

Dwight K. Schrute: I know how to sit on a fence. Hell, I can even sleep on a fence. The trick is to do it face down with the post in your mouth.

Jim: Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?
[back:]
Stanley: What's a seven letter word for purse?
Kevin: [sitting at Phyllis' desk, dressed like Phyllis] Satchel!
Stanley: Nope. Starts with an H.
Andy: [shirtless with a tie] Handbag.
Stanley: Hmm. Thank you.
Andy: Shh! Shhh!
Michael Scott: [wearing fake teeth] All right, everybody, take a seat. As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter is up eight thousand percent in sales!
All: Yay! [applause]
Stanley: [looks at the clock, then at his watch] Hold up! That clock is slow. It is five o'clock, I will see you all tomorrow:
Pam: [turns around, is wearing a mustache] Bye, Stanley! Love you! [waves, Stanley leaves]
Dwight K. Schrute: [standing next to a pony] So long, Stanley!
Stanley: Night, everybody.

Jim: Laverne packs up the pie wagon at five so...
Kevin: At five? That's only twenty minutes from now. The pie shop is thirteen miles away. So at fifty five miles an hour that just gives us five minutes to spare.
Angela: So wait, when pies are involved you can suddenly do math in your head?
Kevin: We...
Oscar: Hold on. Kevin, how much is 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies?
Kevin: 314 pies.
Oscar: What if it were salads?
Kevin: Well, it's the... Carry the four... And... It doesn't work.

Andy: Oh, my gosh. You have the Dallas board game?
Kevin: Yeah, when I was a kid I was on Dallas.
Andy: Really?
Kevin: Yeah. We missed our connecting flight and we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii. I was on heaven.