Dwight K. Schrute: Now, I'm no doctor, but it seems to me that we all have an obligation to the public health to track down anyone who gives us a disease, inform them of it, and take overwhelming revenge on that person. Again, I'm no doctor. I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.

Holly: [on the phone] Michael, you cried at that tagline for a movie you made up.
Michael Scott: He had no arms or legs. He couldn't hear, see, or speak. This is how he led a nation.

Michael Scott: Look, [sighs] It's a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.
Phyllis: That's no pimple, Michael.
Michael Scott: You mean cancer?
Pam: What? No! Wait, no. Definitely not cancer.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: It's just good to stop a Michael train of thought early before it derails and destroys the entire town.