Dwight K. Schrute Quote #621

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in The Lover

Michael Scott: Who wants to help the world one step at a time? All right, good.
Dwight K. Schrute: Volunteerism is important. Every weekend I volunteer at the local animal shelter and they need a lot of help down there. Last Sunday I had to put down over 150 pets all by myself.

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‘The Lover’ Quotes

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I inserted a listening device into the belly of the mallard. Now I can observe Jim, trap Jim, and destroy Jim, just like in the Bavarian fairy tale. Only this time, the mallard skins the toad alive. And of course in this version you lose the whole veiled critique of the Kaiser thing.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Oh, so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift, and I found a recording device in it. Yes. So, I think if I play it just right I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

[Dwight walks into Jim's office, sits down at the desk and takes a pen out from the pot. He twists the lid and a recording of Jim starts to play]
Jim: "We have our high quality 28 pound bond, our heavier 38 pound bond, or our..."
Dwight K. Schrute: I've got eight hours of this. Of course I wanted Jim to find the mallard, make him feel safe. Did you really think I would put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? I'm not insane. [plays recording]
Jim: "...65 pound cover stock, which is the heaviest paper that will still feed smoothly through your desktop printer."

Dwight K. Schrute Quotes

Quote from Product Recall

Dwight K. Schrute: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat. Couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.

Quote from The Farm

Erin: Dwight, what a ridiculous, fancy clown you are.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died.
Pam: Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close?
Dwight K. Schrute: I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt.

Quote from Dunder Mifflin Infinity

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm going to live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Mannheim is 103, and still puttering around down in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.