The Office - Dwight K. Schrute Quote #599
Michael Scott: I had to make a snap decision, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: It wasn't a snap decision, you were sitting there for an hour.
Michael Scott: It was a lot of snap decisions.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you know what snap decision means?
Michael Scott: Yes!
Dwight K. Schrute: It means like this [snaps fingers].
Michael Scott: Just get in the car!
Quote from Kevin
Kevin: Jim's gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office to fart in. Then one day, I came in, and I just stayed, 'cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. Even better than my home. My home sucks.
Quote from Oscar
Oscar: Okay, who else is here? [to camera:] Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there's not the usual balance between sane and others. Toby has mentally checked out since June. It's a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia, it is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. And bury them in my yard. And I wouldn't tell the cops a thing. Not that I would be lying, per se. But I would just get really quiet all of a sudden.
Quote from Special Project
Dwight K. Schrute: The Shrutes have a word for when everything comes together in a man's life perfectly: Perfectinschlag. Hmm. Right now, I am in it. I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate, I am assembling a competent team, I am likely a father, I am so deep inside of perfectinschlag right now. And just to be clear, there is a second definition, "perfect pork anus" which I don't mean.
Quote from The Farm
Erin: Dwight, what a ridiculous, fancy clown you are.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died.
Pam: Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close?
Dwight K. Schrute: I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt.
Quote from Secret Santa
Dwight K. Schrute: For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it to find himself... in jail!